hurricanes!!!!!!

Well....Kristina is about to come through and show her ass. Just straight up act a fool. Got to go. Got to leave. I'll holla afterwards.....hopefully.

Sometime you do Crazy things......

I quit my job today. Well, not really, I accepted a different position in the hospital though. I’m still wondering if I did the right thing. I mean, sure the new job requires me to work sometimes long and unpredictable hours without increased financial compensation. I will acquire a skill that will hopefully enable me to earn a high five figure income in about 3 years. Why three years? That’s when I get my freedom papers from the US Air Force.
I DO sometimes ask myself, “What was I thinking when I signed those papers?”…..and then I remember. My Main motivation for joining was simple really. I had to get away from home…I Had To before someone got hurt. I was a year out of high school trying to go to school full-time and work two jobs. I would get up in the morning, head to class, go straight from there to my day job stocking shelves at the grocery store, head home for like to hours to check on the siblings, see if mom came home today and then head out to my night job loading trucks for UPS until midnight sometimes, then getting up and doing it all over again the next day.
My grandmother, who always held me down, had just passed. I was working myself to death to take care of her house, myself and my younger siblings. While dealing with my chemical dependant mother, who was pretty good at stealing from me. After a year I was gone…mentally. I was like a zombie.
One day I came home from school, one of the rare afternoons I wasn’t working. I got a phone call from a collection agency, asking me why I have not paid my Visa bill. Hold up!!!! Stop!!!! Wait a minute!!!! I don’t have a credit card!!!! What are you talking about? Then I remember that I DID apply for a student Visa and I know exactly what happened. This B*&^ done activated my credit card and ran up a $800 bill, like six months ago and she sure as hell didn’t use it for bills or groceries. I was done. Seeing red. She is so lucky she wasn’t in the house that afternoon because I might have caught a case. We did have….um some physical activity later on that day though. She says she doesn’t remember a lot about those days, but she remembers me throwing that milk crate at her head..LOL.

Anyway that’s when I decided I had to get the hell away. I didn’t want to leave my little sisters and brother behind, but I had to take care of myself before I could take care of them. I was for real losing my mind. There was one incident involving a bottle of over the counter sleeping pills. Like I said I had to go. However I didn’t really have anywhere to go. I could have got a place of my own, but that wasn’t really away. I could have tried to stay with my dad in Cali, but I really hated his ass at that point. About a week after the whole credit card issue a friend of mine from work tells me he’s joining the Air Force. He’s going on and on about the pay and benefits and college tuition. Now, I never saw myself being in the military. I mean, I was this loner who got kicked out of military school when I was 14. Desperate times though. So, I left one day for basic with the clothes I had on, a change of underwear and enough money for lunch and bus fare.
Fast forward almost seven years and I’m over my military experience. I’m just counting the days now. I’ve had great experiences and bad experiences. Seen some beautiful parts of the world (Germany, Italy, and Saudi Arabia) and seen some stinky parts of the world (Afghanistan, Pakistan). Don’t even get me started on “Don’t ask, Don’t tell”. It’s time to go.

The Weekend In Review

Wassup friends. I know I haven't posted in a minute. The kid has been tired....Well, OK Lazy. At least I'm being honest..LOL

The weekend was cool despite the fact that I was tired for most of it. I think after awhile my body just didn't care anymore:

Friday: After working all day( got up at 5:45am). I headed up north to spend some time with Booboo. I thought we would just hang out, get something to eat, watch a movie..Like I said a brotha was tired. But naaaww.... His roommate calls and invites us to Baton Rouge to hang out with him and his boyfriend. Usually I wouldn't mind, but like I said I was tired, Baton Rouge is like a 2 hour drive, gas is like $2.50 a gallon and I'm tired. I look at Boo...He's all excited and despite the fact he's telling me, "It's whatever you want to do baby" I know he really wants to go. So, I'm like fine but you're driving
Once we get up there it's like damn near eleven and these mofos talkin bout going out. MAN!!!! Grab the ears " Wooosah", it's all good. We get dressed and head out to this little gay club.....Correction bar. Ya'll it was the saddest little bar I'd ever been to. I guess we'd just missed the drag show b/c there were about five boys walking around in full make-up and wigs but wearing jeans and T-shirts. I swear one looked like she was auditioning for Thundercats the Movie or something. That shit was thick. The music was wack and there were only like 14 people there, but the drinks were two-for-one. So, the four of us cracked up talking to the 40 y/o white chick poppin IT next to us, watching the thug ass girls grind in the corner, and laughing at the queens jet-setting on the floor. They closed the place down at 1:30 and by closed it down I mean just killed the power mid song. I'm like WTF!!!The south man...The south. Willy(the roommates boyfriend) decides to give us a night time tour of the city, which was cool,except for the fact that I was kind of tired. We ended up on the waterfont and getting into a talk about the deaths of family members and how we coped with them. I know right!!!!
Finally make it back to willies place at like 3am. Finally get to lay it down. Finally get to pass out.........For like three hours. We have to get back to Booboos place by 9 so that his sister can pick up some furniture or something. Ugh. I love him. I love him. I love him. Woosah.


Saturday: Slept. Slept hard. Slept all day. Til Like 5pm. Got up. Ate Taco hell. Watched TV. Did IT. Went to sleep.

Sunday: Drove home. Still did nothing for most of the day and I was alright with that. Around 8pm The Ex calls me. Now, I have not talked to this dude on over a month. For good reason. I recently found out from a mutual friend that he'd been with at least 3 other people while we were together. Honestly, I wasn't really surprised. I'd been out of the country for three of the ten months we were together after all. It still kinda hurt getting confirmation, though. I mean I'm sooo over him and us and all of that. I just sucks to know that someone you cared so much about and still considered a GOOD friend had been playing you. I played it cool though, decided I was not going to confront him about it cause the shit IS over. I think he could hear a little ice in my voice though cause he hung up kind of quick. I'm cool though....Shit is done for real.

That's my weekend in a nut shell. Hope everyone out in the Blog world is doing better than OK.

Update

Previous post was b4 our last conversation( Boo and I). Things are going well. We're moving on....together. That's him in the picture.

Pleasure and Pain

To You,
Damn, It's been hard lately, huh? All the fighting, the bickering over little shit, the long silences. I don't know which was worse.
I've been trying to be patient and understanding. I felt like I owed you that. After all, you gave me.... Correction... You gave us another chance after I told you I just wanted to be friends and I thank you for that. I know you don't think that I do, but I DO know how much that hurt you. I know it hurt even more when you found out I'd started something with someone else so soon after all that went down.
Still, we continued to communicate on a almost daily basis. In fact, you became one of best friends. I remember talking to you until midnight about....My family, jobs, school, that dude were seeing(ugh). I remember talking to you the night before I left the country last summer. You said that you loved me and would be there for me no matter what. Do you know how often I laid in my bunk and thought of your face, that big smile that seems to perminately stuck there? You should I told you plenty of times. When I got back I didn't let you know right away. I don't know why. I really don't have an answer for that, but I remember seeing you for the first time in six months. I remember the butterflies, the hug and the smile. I still crack a smile when I think of x-mas night.... Lounging on your futon. You asked, "so are we official again"? I said, "fa Sho".
Fast forward 7 months and some odd days. Things are getting rough. After what happened Saturday night, I'm asking myself if love is enough to keep us together. I'm tired of fighting. I love you and the thought of you not being mine breaks my heart. The only thing that I know for sure is that we need to move on. The question is should we do together or ......... I don't even want to say it.

Only time will tell

I’m sooo not in the mood to be at work right now. I’m sure I’m not the only one though. Well I was going to post about my weekend but I realized that shit was so boring it would put ME to sleep. That’s what I wanted though, a quiet couple of days at the house. Next weekend I have to host BooBoo, his roommate and roommate’s boyfriend at my place. They want to come down to the coast and go clubbing.
I know ya’ll are like, “They have clubs in MS?” Well Biloxi has 8 or 9 casinos. When I say casinos I don’t mean “The Boat”. I’m talking about large Vegas like casinos with 3-4 star hotels, restaurants, high end shopping and clubs. There a new hot spot, Club Z that just opened that they are all excited about.

Speaking of BooBoo. Ya’ll I for real thought the shit was over yesterday. It’s like we where sitting there waiting for the other to just say the words. Long story short he feels like he can’t trust me. I know this all goes back to reason we broke up the 1st time around but I’m like I have not done anything that would make him suspicious of me or anything I’m doing. So, I basically said if you can’t trust me what the hell you doing with me (not that nicely, though). Turns out one of his friends hit me up on yahoo messenger saying they were visiting the coast and was looking for a hook-up or whatever. I have no idea how said friend got my YIM ID but this shit is sounding more and more like some kind of set-up the more I think about it. I’m not tripping though because I told this dude I was involved and No I don’t want to meet him. Apparently he somehow mentioned to BooBoo that he’d talk to a dude whose ID was darnel16 and that we’d talked about meeting or whatever.
So, he presents this information to me, mad as hell, telling me I’m being sneaky and something is going on. All I said was call dude right now and we’ll get this shit straightened out quick, fast and in a mothaphuckin hurry. He tells me, no he’s not calling anyone. We argue back and forth about that and then I remember that Yahoo archives chat transcripts (I love YIM). I bring that shit up and he softens after that and wants to talk.
Which brings me back to asking him why he’s with me if I am the lying, cheating hoe that he obviously thinks that I am? Again, I realize a lot of this has to do with a past indiscretion on my part. That is the only reason I’m trying to be so patient through all these changes he’s taking me through. So we talked and I told him, despite what happened in the past I would never jeopardize what we have and that he needs to let that go or I’m scared we won’t make it. He said he understands and that he’s trying.

I know I talk about the negatives in our relationship a lot, but for real BooBoo is the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. He makes me happy when I am sad…LOL. I mean I can look in his eyes and see that he loves me. I hope he can do the same because I honestly believe he is that ONE that you get in a lifetime. I’ll always regret hurting him the way I did but he decided to give us another chance. I was just happy that he continued to be my friend after we broke up. Only time will tell.

I said I was NOT going to blog about this but I’m done now:)

Tagged

So I've been tagged by PHILLY BRED. Here are the the 10 songs I'm bumping right now per the rules:

The rules:List ten songs that you are currently digging it does'nt matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they are no good, but they must be songs you are really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they are listening to.

1. "Touch"Omarion. The beat is just tight. I know I'm not the only one who pauses everytime they say "touch".
2. "Must Be Nice" Lyfe Jennings
3. "Weak" SWV. Just cause I never get tired of this song
4. "Charlie, last name Wilson" Charlie Wilson. This is the funniest song ever. substitutetitue your name for his. Hilarious!!! Or maybe I'm just easily amused.
5. "Holla Back Girl" Gwen Stephanie. Ya'll know why. bananasnanas.
6. "Scars" Papa Roach. I just like that angry white boy music every now and again.
7. " Say You Will" Brandy.
8. "Don't Lie" Black Eyed Peas.
9. "It's Whatever" Aaliyah. I always have to have some Aaliyah playing.
10. "Points Of Authority/ 99 Problems/ One Step Closer" Linken Park/ Jay-Z. Just turn your system up you'll understand.

I'm not gonna tag anyone. If you want to run with it.

* Special Mention* "Cater 2 U" and "We Belong Together" just cause for some reason I'm not tired of these songs......yet.

Friday Ramblings.

Wassup ya'll I have like a hour left in my work day. Just thought I'd put some thoughts down real quick:

BooBoo and I had a long talk Wed night about a lot of things. I think he was feeling a little emasculated over the whole money thing. He actually thought I was getting upset about it too. I don't know where he got that from. It's my pleasure....Well, maybe not my pleasure but still. If he needs something and I can provide it... I got him. That's just me. A big Thank You to everyone for your advice.
To answer some of the questions asked after my last post: We've been together for seven months now. Although, this is our second time around( I'm thinking about posting that story). He's 23, so yeah he IS a grown ass man.

*Baby! Why can't we get along when we know we can't be without each other for too long*

But we cool now...For now anyway.

Moms. It seems like now that my mom and I have reached a new level in our relationship....She don't call no more. I know she went out and found her a piece and everything. But damn!!! Return a phone call.
I don't know about this dude she's seeing. Moms does not have the best track record with men including my father, who was her highschool sweetheart. Plus this guy is a recovering addict too. I'm kind of worrying about him falling off the wagon and taking her with him.
Why she keep asking whether or not I take it up the ass. Like that's really fascinating to her. Oh yeah, I told her I was gay like 4 months ago. Speaking of that why my friend , MCDeezy ask the same thing when I told her. Is it really that interesting?

I was told today that I might be making another trip to Iraq or Afghanistan or some such shitty country early next year. Yep, that will make it four years in a row. Oh well at least I'll get a bunch of boot leg movies for like $5 US. Fuck you Dubyah.

That's all. It's quitting time. See ya'll out there.

PS...Artist formally known as SmilingOnTheDL. Thanks for the e-mail and the advice. Still hope you come back to blogging( you were definitely one of my top three).

Question

Now that Mariah Carey has released a great album after all these years, aren't you scared that her next release is going to be like Glitter part deux? Just disappointed.

Tuesday afternoon

I’m sitting here listening to a little Anita Baker reflecting on a conversation BooBoo and I had last night. He said that he has some kind of bad feeling that something going to pull us apart. That’s it. He can’t or won’t elaborate any more than that. I Have to admit I’m feeling frustrated right now because I really don’t understand what’s going on in his head right now. I don’t think he really understands what’s going on in his head right now. I figure that all I can do is be patient and reassure him that I love him and don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.
Oh we had a conversation this morning before work. He told me that he doesn’t like that I’m the major financial contributor in this relationship. I’m always picking up the bill when we go out to eat, buying drinks, movie tickets, ect. He doesn’t even like the fact that I’ve helped him out with some expenses from time to time. I mean, I know he’s working part-time and going to school full-time. So picking up the bill and helping him out financially from time to time is no big deal to me..”I am your man right”, I say. Hell I guess we’ll be dining in for the time being.


So I don't really know wassup......

I want my boyfriend back

My BooBoo has been seriously trippin for the last 3 or 4 days. I don't know what the hell the problem is and he will not tell me. Correction I just called him at work and he informed me that after talking to his friend Trey and his grandma he has decided to tell me why he's been in a foul ass mood( and why he's been taking the shit out on me ) when he gets off work. Why not talk to me about the problem....I mean who am I just supposedly your man.
Shit really came to a head this weekend. After having a great time hanging out with him, his roommate Shorty and his roommates' boyfriend Willy T on Friday.

Sidenote: you ever find yourself in a dull ass club/sports bar. Free alcohol and a big girl to dance with will make the night fun ass hell. That shit was funny as hell. Shout out to my girl Big B.A.B.Y.

So Saturday. His boys go out to spend the afternoon doing whatever. BooBoo and I are at the apartment felling pretty damn hung over but that's of course not going to stop us from....You know. Man so we getting ready to do the damn thing. He decides ...um, he wants to be the pitcher this time..LOL. So I'm like alright . The kid is multi-talented but it had been a minute since I'd done that so I'm like lay down and I'll handle the rest. He tells me he doesn't want me to be pressing on his stomach cause it's sore. So now I'm rethinking this whole situation but I'm gonna take it like a man. Anyway, I guess he gets frustrated cause he's kind of loud "scoot down" "raise up" " scoot back". I tell him, " Yo, stop hollering at me".

OK. This is where it gets phucked up. He looks at me hard as hell, takes the condom off, throws it on the bed and then just walks out of the room.

I'm like shocked at this point....I mean WTF!!!!! So, I lay there on his bed. I hear the shower run. He comes back in the room, gets under the the covers and turns his back to me. I'm asking him what that was about . I get silence. Is something wrong? Silence. You must be tired of my presence. Eye rolling and silence.
I tell him"well, that won't be a problem in like five minutes. A quick jump in the shower...Pack my shit...Tell him he might want to lock his front door and I'm out. Get in my car and get like a block away and my phone ringing. I ignore it. I get on the Highway. Phone ring. Ignore. Alright, I mentioned I was kind of hung over right. I see a Super Walmart, so I figure I'll go in get some water and calm down some..... I get my water...my phone rings this time I answer it.

Long Story short he apologized with tears in his eyes and shit but would'nt tell me what was wrong.
Update!!!He just called and told me he has had for like the last week or so....Had this bad feeling that SOMETHING has or is going to try and break us up......PAUSE....Take a minute.....WHAT!!!!! NIGGA WHAT!!!!!! You have a bad feeling so you decide to be an asshole to me... How the PHUCK does that any kind of sense........Who are ...Ms. Cleo....Raven Symone......Man...WHAT!!!!!

Ya'll I'm through. I want my boyfriend back.....


Should today's song be "Let It Burn"?