I'll Never Tell

I had a "interesting" conversation at work last night.

I was chilling in the common area of the office when I noticed a picture of Lance Bass from Nsync( the one that just came out) on this guys locker. Now this guy...he's very flamboyant...very obvious. After I tell them to take the shit down( why don't they just spray paint fag across his locker), we get into a conversation about homosexuality. I hear most of the usual shit I'm sure we've all heard before
" I don't understand how two dudes can be together" If you did you'd be gay, huh?

" I don't think it's a choice, god wouldn't make a mistake" Like you know how god thinks.

" I couldn't be friends with a gay person" Well guess what you are or atleast you were.

Usually when I'm in a situation like this. I either keep my mouth closed to keep from cussing someone out( it's like if someone was sitting there talking shit about black people) or talk about my live and let live philosophy. This time I did the latter but towards the end of this small minded chatter this one chick said something that made me think...

"well if you're going to join the military you need to assimilate to military culture and the military's way of life"

hmmm...She may have something there. I mean whether you think the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy is right or wrong it is law and people are informed about the policy before signing those enlistment papers. Personally I think the policy is stupid. I doubt that if it was removed we would see a sudden influx of out and proud people in the military, there are other reasons to stay in the closet. It does seriously screw up the lives and careers of hundreds of people who were probably serving there country well until certain information came to light.
It's not just the sudden lost of a job of a job though. There is a stigma that comes with receiving a less than honorable discharge from the military. There's the loss of benefits and entitlements. For example, members are entitled to disability pay for any permanent injuries they received while in the service. I have a jacked up shoulder from carrying patients on litters, I have slight hearing loss from working around planes and I was exposed to TB while working in a military hospital.
I've served this government for almost 8 years, 13 months of which I spent in assorted miserable desserts. Lived in places I've never really wanted to be and done jobs that I've hated and I'll be damned if I don't get everything that's coming to me when my time is up. So regardless of my feelings about gays in the military and the way I want to live my life right now I'm going to keep my mouth closed, keep my life outside the job to myself and get through these last two years.

Does that make me a sell out?

'Here's Where i Stand' from the movie 'Camp'

About a year ago, late one night. I was bored watching some movie about a bunch of kids at a drama camp. It was cute or whatever. Then there was a song that really touched me. Listen to the lyrics.



And just caues I think this chick can really sang. Her name is Sasha Allen, she was on that VH1 show from a few years ago, Who wants to be a Diva are something like that. This is the opening of the movie.

Is it me or are gay men too damn fickle when it comes to relationships. I was talking to one of my friends today and he was telling me that he and his "friend" had a big fight. About What I asked?

Him " We went shopping and he was acting all impatient and disinterested"

Me "And?"

Him " and if he didn't want to go he should have said so"

Me " well I'm sure that if he knew shopping with you was a all day event he wouldn't have"

Any way he's thinking of breaking up with this dude who he was just sprung over a couple days ago over this. It's not just him though. I know a lot of dudes who are just head over heals for someone until they have a disagreement, usually over some really small trivial shit,then dude loses all their shine and are ready to be traded in.

Don't these fellas know that relationships are hard and even if you find that special someone you want to spend your life with, there will still be moments when you want beat a nigga with a bat. Maybe not that bad but still being committed to someone means compromising, working things out, letting go of some of your pride, being there for better or for worse and all that chatter. Don't get me started on these dudes with grocery lists of qualities that are impossible to find in one person.
In complete honesty if I sat and wrote one of those lists a couple of years ago my current boyfriend probably wouldn't measure up to half of it and I would be missing out because that lil dude is the best thing that ever happened to me. We are damn near complete opposites...DRIVES ME CRAZY AT TIMES....but I think we can work through anything that comes our way...at least I hope so.

I'm not sure but we may not be together a couple months from now. The future of our relationship is completely in his hands right now. He's still deciding whether or not he wants to move to San Antonio. Last time I checked he was 70% for moving. He has to get licensed and he has to find a job here BEFORE he moves, which is smart I understand all that. The Virgo in me really doesn't like uncertainty though.
He has complained that he hates San Antonio. Made that determination in the whole nine days he's spent here. I think he really doesn't want to move away from his family and his little clique of friends but I can't be mad at that either, it's a heavy decision. Guess we'll see.

Back Again

What up folks,

I just got back from spending a week in lovely Hattiesburg, MS. BooBoo is a college graduate...finally. It was a pretty good trip despite the fact I decided to drive...really hate driving long distances. My trip wasn't helped by the fact that it rained damn near the whole way there and I'm talking that got to slow down to stay on the road type rain. My nine hour road trip took damn near twelve but I made it so I'm not complaining. The trip itself was pretty good hardly no drama this time(lol) the little there was was actually my fault. We were play arguing( just go with it) So I said "you know I didn't come all the way down here to suffer this abuse" and kinda left. Well, I did leave but I left to find these shoes he said he wanted to give him as a graduation gift and kinda stayed out for a couple hours looking for them. As you can imagine he was kind of pissed when I got back to the apartment and I had to kiss his ass(literally) to get out of the dog house...the shoes helped too I'm sure.

I'm really feeling the song "Together Again" by Janet Jackson for some reason right now. I always liked that song but it's really talking to me right now. Probably because my grandma's birthday just passed. The song was released around the time of her death. Speaking of Janet, her new single is kind of growing on me even though there's a little too much happening in the video.
Justin Timberlakes new cut is kind of annoying after repeated listening. That shit could just be torture...

Go head be bold with it, Go head be bold with it, Go head be bold with it.

I told my lil brother that he could come and spend some time with me this summer. I need to get on that, summers almost over.