My life is not really that hard, it just seems that way sometimes. I'm just a poor black man stuck way too far down south trying to make each day a little better than the last.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Parents

DAD:
For the past week my father has continued to call me and I have continued to ignore him...Until about 5 hours ago that is. Damn I wish I would have just blocked the number. As I said before my father has really not been a presence in my life since I was ...Maybe 9 or 10 years old. He moved to Los Angeles, we stayed in St. Louis, he acted like a single man with no responsibilities and learned to make it without him. There's a whole lot of back and forth, including a conversation when I was 14 and needed some serious help( Long story...He let me down) and I basically hated him for years after that. Back to the phone call. Now the only times in my life that my father expressed any real emotion to me were when he was drunk. My Father and mother were always happy drunks( I inherited that from them-LOL-). So he decided to call me tonight. I finally decided to answer the phone. Why? I can tell right away by his voice that dude is lit. He starts talking about how I can't answer the phone and talk to my "dad", how I need to stop hating him and how he didn't know thing were that bad with my mom growing up. Same old shit and I don't really feel like talking to him because he's drunk and I'm at work. So I proceed to tell him I don't hate him but I don't really like him either and half way through I realize that I'm wasting my free minutes:) because he's not even going to remember this conversation in the morning. I mean I don't hate this dude but I don't know him and I don't respect him as a man, so what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm over it. Really!!!

MOM:
I finally called my mom back after like three weeks. The reason I haven't talked to her in awhile is because I turned my home phone off, I started working nights, the nights I wasn't working were spent at BooBoo's, my cell wasn't working and she started tripping. For example:


Larry, I've been talking to some people. About you and our relationship. About the bad things I did to you. About how you have been a very good son to me in spite of the bullshit I put you through. About how today you don't have enough love or respect for me to even answer my calls, even though you have pertinent information that I really need from you.

I think that you hate me. I think that you blame me for all the things that go wrong in your life, I also think that Patrick doesn't want you to have a relationship with me, I could be wrong about that one and I hope so,. I think that you think that if I had been a better or different mother your life would be better.

there is nothing I can do about anything that occurred in the past. I can only try to be the best person I can be today. God bless you Larry because if you can never forgive me you will never be forgiven for any of your wrong doing. And yes we all have wrong doings in our life.



Now granted I could just called to straighten this MESS out, but you have to realize her jumping to conclusions and going off is very common for her and just didn't feel like dealing with it. This was around the time I dealing with Moving and BooBoo and I just didn't feel like dealing with it. Notice she even wants to blame him for me not talking to her when he's one of the people who pushed me to start talking to her again in the first place. Then I get this:


you must always strive to be the man that God put you here to be. I rebuke whatever enemy in your life that won't allow you to take calls from your family. I believe there is a evil force in your presence that wants you dead. Please pray to God and demand that he free you of all strongholds. I am not speaking about your choice of lifestyle. I will continue to pray that you be set free. In the name of Jesus, be gone from my son any and all evil spirits and strongholds. In Jesus name Larry be blessed

Now I'm evil or possessed or something. Ok.


I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had atleast one sane parent. Thank god for Althea Burns(My Gram...I miss her), but as my brother pointed out to me "the experiences of our childhood made us the people we are today" which I guess is a good thing...Well, in my case anyway.

7 Comments:

Blogger E said...

It is amazing how quickly parents come to a conclusion about things. I don't blame you for not bothering.

And it's sad that the only time your Dad expresses emotion is when he's drunk.

I'm glad you have an outlet to share your experiences.

4:01 PM

 
Blogger Ladynay said...

I can't imagine having 2 parents you can't really "get with". I feel the same about my dad but for different reasons. But since I seriously doubt I'll ever see or talk to him ever again I just give all my parental love to my mom digga and my other parental units in my life.

Sorry I am starting a blog entry! What I meant to comment is that I feel yah, somewhat....

7:06 PM

 
Blogger ~HoustonNY~ said...

Hmmm....your blog brought up a lot of memories from my family. Family dynamics can be very tricky. I am super close with my mom and my four sisters. They do have thier tifts, but as a whole we are a close family. Recently, one of my sisters decided to send a letter to everyone blasting them out for anything we may have done to her. It came as a complete surprise to us and it hurt all of us. That prompted other emails and letters from the other siblings. Now, everyone is still mad at each other and we have not had a family conference (we normally all speak on the phone once a week as a family) in over a month. It hurts to go through this, but I know that it will make me stronger.

Point is that this will all make you stronger. Be secure in who you are and follow your heart. Seems like your dad is hurting and the only time he can express this hurt (even if he don't remember it the next day) is to speak to you when he is drunk. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions so this allows him to speak to you. I am not saying you should forget what he did to you--it made you the man you are now. But I would forgive him. Trust me, the blessings that will flow from that seemingly small act will last a lifetime.

Same with your mom. Never forget, but when you are ready, start the forgiveness phase. If this means that in order for you to forgive her, you have to distance yourself from her, then so be it. If she loves you like she should, she will understand and eventually will enter your life again.

I thank goodness that you have an outlet like this to let your feelings out...

9:49 AM

 
Blogger ~HoustonNY~ said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:49 AM

 
Blogger Charles X said...

me and you are like the only bloggers feeling Rent. that is real bad b/c the movie is amazing.

Anyways, I'm sorry to hear your parental drama. Tell your mom you are not tryna hear that demonic bullshit. -shakes head-

I need to stay off wikipedia too...it has me on there til all hours of the night

2:46 AM

 
Blogger Corrie J said...

Okay so it uncharacteristic of me to read other people's blogs. I just don't spend that much time on the net... I love your entries.... I think I may become a regular! Now I just gotta get caught up!

8:31 PM

 
Blogger Jameil said...

at least one sane parent... wow. perhaps i shouldn't find that funny but i do. but you know what? the craziness makes you who you are. you probably deal w/certain crazy situations a lot better than most.

5:24 AM

 

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