my hard knock life

My lie has once again been knocked hard

2011-02-15T19:44:00.002-06:00

So..I have'nt updated this blog in..years. i think it's time to start again.

Recently my boyfriend of over three years cheated on me ( i would later find out it wasn't the first time) eneter into a relationship with another guy and to pay me back for atleast not completely cuttting me out of my life. He decided to cut me off after i told him i had dinner with a guy.. Yeah Crazy..

Need Advice. Need to vent..I don't know.

2008-10-01T08:00:00.002-05:00

Let's begin this way.

Question....Your significant other is working late and has school that evening. So he asks you to bring him a change of clothes( his car isn't working). So you drive to his job, pick him up something to eat, sit around for 40 minutes waiting for him to finish his paper and drive him to school. You also drove him to work this morning and have to pick him up from school afterwards. After all this you would expect some appreciation at least a thank you. Know what I got a funky ass attitude because he didn't particularly like the clothes I brought him. So I call him out on that. Know what I got. Not a apology or a my bad. I got a " you should have known better" and I didn't get a thank you because "help from your boyfriend is expected" and after he got agreement from his mom he apparently is completely justified in his behavior and opinion.
The thing about LJ(yeah his name is LJ too) as that he quite often needs help...he just does but he hates asking for help. Mention the fact that you did him a favor and he gets all pissy and starts with "you don't ever have to do nothing for me again" bullshit. At this point this is a relationship that started well and is hitting the wall and I'm thinking maybe it's time to let this one go before it gets too much farther because at the present moment it's feeling a lot like the last one.

If you really believe you don't have to be thankful for the things your partner does for you just because he's your partner. I don't know what to say to that. I think that's the definition of taking someone for granted.

We got into a big fight this morning while I was driving him to work and I said some thing I shouldn't have and I can own up to the fact that I was wrong. That's more than I can say for him. I'm going to try to talk to him this evening and clear this up like adults. He'll either be receptive or he won't. If not then maybe another bites the dust.

IT HAS BEEN AWHILE

2008-07-29T14:02:00.003-05:00

Yeah, Hi.

It's has been about nine months since I've written anything in this blog. Hell I forgot I had one actually. I've been on leave for the last couple of weeks with no where to go so, I've been reading some of my favorite blogs and decided to post a little something.

A lot has happened since the last post.

-BooBoo and I broke up last November. That was for the better. While there was a whole lot of drama right afterwards. We're friends now or at least friendly. He's seeing a new guy who he says makes him happy and I'm happy for him.

- I'm going on 7 months in a new relationship( that's him in red up top). He's actually living with me now. It's been really good so far. We've had to deal with a little drama but we've gotten through it. I can say I'm in love again.

- I' just entered the last month and a half of my military career. It'll be a little weird to be a civilian again but at the same time I am so ready to be "free" again. I already have a job lined up. Actually I'll be doing the exact same job I do now with the exception of the bullshit paperwork and deployments. I will be making more money though.

2007-11-11T22:13:00.000-06:00

Hey I'm kind of taking a break from everything right now but I have a feeling I'll have plenty to post soon...

Later

2007-11-11T22:12:00.001-06:00

Seriously............

Subject: FW: For Those Who Think That Racism Doesn't Exist In America
Importance: High

Hi All.

At the recent NAACP Meeting, President Bush
finally meet with the leaders and assured them that he would sign the
right to vote bill for another 25 years.

My only concern is: Do the other race have to
be subjected to a right to vote extension? Personally, the President, if
he really wanted to show Good faith, should have abolished this bill and
made it simply a right with no limitations. But then maybe I am living
in a dream world. However, I know IT CAN BE DONE!! Voting Rights
Act-Expires for blacks in 2007.

Below you will find a speech that Bill Cosby's
wife gave at a function. Everyone please read this and pass it on to as
many African Americans you come in contact with.

Camille Cosby just made a reference about the
Voting Rights Act in her most recent open letter on racism. This is
extremely important. We are in the 21st Century and we were wondering,
and when I say 'we', I mean others of us out there who wonder if
everyone else out there knows what the significance of the year 2007 is
to Black America?

Did you know that our right to VOTE will
expire in the year 2007?

Seriously! The Voters Rights Act signed in
1965 by Lyndon B. Johnson was just an ACT. It was not made a law.

In 1982, Ronald Reagan amended the Voters
Rights Act for another 25 years. Which means that in the year 2007 we
could lose the Right to vote!

Does anyone realize that African Americans are
the only group of people who require PERMISSION under the United States
Constitution to vote!

In the year 2007, Congress will once again
convene to decide whether or not Blacks should retain the rights to vote
(crazy but true).

In order for this to be passed, 38 states will
have to approve an extension. This is ludicrous! Not only should the
extension be approved, but also the ACT must be made a law.

Our right to vote should no longer be up for
discussion, review and/or evaluation.

We must contact our Congress-persons,
Senators, Alder persons, etc., to put a stop to this! As bona fide
Citizens of the United States, we cannot 'drop the ball' on this one! We
have come too far to let government make us take such a huge step
backward. So please, let us push forward to continue to build the
momentum towards gaining equality.

Please pass this onto others, as we are sure
that many more individuals are not aware of this. I urge all of you that
are able, to contact those in government that have your vote and make
them aware of our combined concern for this issue.

One voice!...... One Vote! You cannot
complain, if you do not
participate.....local, State, & national.....

When I received this one I had no choice but
to pass it on. Please do the same!

2007-09-17T11:42:00.000-05:00

So, today is my 28th Birthday... WTF I'm 28...Wasn't i just 21 yesterday? Damn!!!!
I'm not really planning on doing too much... Dinner with a couple friends later. For some odd reason I had a strong urge to clean today. Just finished that actually. I mean I vaccuumed under the couches. Cleaned the floor boards. Everything. Incredibaly odd.

In other the news. The newest member of the Minor clan came into the world early this morning. My lil sister had a baby girl...ON MY BIRTHDAY!! WOW!! That kids going to be spoiled.

I usually treat myself to an expensive gift..to myself every year. I spent my gift money on a airline ticket for mom to get to Cali for the birth... Oh well. I'll probably still pick up a lil something.

Update on the the state of my relationship.I don't really have one. It's been discussed and discussed but niether of us has pulled the plug. I'm a coward I know but ...whatever.

Anywho...just wanted to put something down today. I took the day off and don't plan on spending it in the house.

I found this vid just browsing on Youtube.com.. I don't know. Made me smile...LOL. He was all in it...performed better than Britney though.

2007-08-29T21:37:00.000-05:00

Hey Folks,

I really don't have any updates on amything going on with me.. The boyfriend situation is still...THERE.

This is how I feel right now.. They say there is a song for every situation.

Did anyone else think that Ralph was a little "sweet" or just a bad actor?

Why did I have a HUGE crush on him back in the day?

Movin On ...maybe

2007-08-23T21:03:00.000-05:00

Seriously!!! I meant to write about my horrible weekend earlier in the week but work has been crazy. I think I use all my available energy at the gym after work. To think i haven't even started pulling call yet. That will be fun. Despite all of that I really do like my job. Go figure.

I've actually forgotten most of the crazy shit that went down last weekend except for it's beginning and end. Thursday afternoon Texas experienced a downpour that was straight up biblical in it's intensity. On the drive home I drove through a "puddle" that was a whole lot deeper than it appeared. Boom.. My car stalls.. OH S&%&!!!!! Fortunately it was covered by insurance so things worked out. Although my car is still at the Nissan Dealer. They are waiting for a part to come in.
Fast forward to Sunday night. I finally decide the boyfriend and I need to have a talk about the future of our relationship. After prodding that Negro forever I finally get him to admit he's not going to move here. I can't say that I was surprised. Whenever he spoke about HIS future he never mentioned living in Texas. he says there are thing he needs to accomplish before he thinks about uprooting. I'm not even mad at him.. he has to do what he thinks is best for him. I am a little pissed that he acted like I had a ulterior motive for wanting to know what his plans were. Like I had a dude waiting in wings for the moment. I'm also pissed that he acts like every things just great, mostly because I realise now that this relationship is more than likely going to have to end and I'm going to have to be the one who ends it. sucks .. i love him but it's just not working. This long-distance thing was supposed to be temporary. At this rate it'll continue this way for at least another couple of years. I don't really know what I'm going to do and I already know he's going to think there's somebody else. That's just how he is but I can't help that. So-to be continued...........

:(

2007-08-19T21:06:00.000-05:00

It's been a bad weekend from beginning to end.. Too much..You Know what I'll write about it later. I have to lie down.

Anyway!! Did anyone know this song was originally recorded by them? I didn't.

Just another Monday

2007-08-13T21:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks Dayne.. I didn't call you out when you went on a two month break.LOL. Just playin.

So I haven't really been blogging ...obviously. That's mostly because nothing has really been going on with me. I go to work, I go to the gym and I come home. That's pretty much been my life this summer. Damn!! Summer07 is almost over. Where did the time go?

Is anybody watching Summer TV? Two of my faves right now are Kimorra Lee Simmons new show and a show on VH1 called The Man Band. Is it just me or is Kimorra on some different shit. The girl is just a narcissist. Her two little girls are something else though.

I do have a question that I would like some input on. Mostly from any of you guys who've been in long-term relationships but I'd appreciate input from any one who has an opinion.

Has anyone come to a point in their relationships when they've decided it's OK NOT to use condoms anymore? Do you think there is a point when you would consider it? What would be the criteria? In this day and age is it naive to trust ANYONE like that?

Let's just say I'm really interested in getting some opinions on the above topic.

2007-07-31T21:39:00.000-05:00

Heh

Madea

2007-07-24T19:07:00.000-05:00

So, I haven't talked to my for over a month. I honestly don't know at this point if I even want to...again. I'm tired of the ups and downs of our relationship. I'm tired of her period. Let me explain what happened this time. I hadn't even been back in the country for for 2 days before she had her hand out. Telling me she needs money for medicine or bills or something like yesterday. Welcome Home..right?

Let me explain. I don't have a problem helping her out with some cash from time. The thing is my mother lies ...alot. I know for a fact she's called me for medicine and called my younger brother and sister at the same time for the same things. So, she lies. I just hope the money isn't going towards anything that it shouldn't.

I'm just happy to be back in the country. I have the cash so I don't make a issue out of it. I just send the money via Western Union since it's a "emergency". The very same day she calls me back talking about my lil brother needs like $400 dollars for football camp, the next day my lil sisters birthday is coming up and she wants to take her out. At this point I'm thinking " hold up I don't remember saying I Do to you and I sure as hell didn't have anything to do with the conception of those kids" but I went ahead and once again sent the money because I got it and she said it was needed. The very next day she calls again. This time there's some other medicine she needs. Before she even get the request out of her mouth I'm like hell naw. I just sent like $700 dollars and it's pretty fucking funny how these new medicines just keep getting randomly prescribed. But if you need it that bad she better use that camp money. RIGHT? right. She doesn't see it that way and starts going on about how she might die and she hopes she dies. I'm done though. I'm not going there. In fact I decide we don't need to talk for awhile and I don't answer my phone for like a week. That apparently made her lose her mind because she called and left 3 of the nastiest voice mails....I mean cussed my ass out, talked about my boyfriend, just a bunch of UN necessary bullshit. I don't remember much about them word for word but I do remember how the last one ended..." you only get one mother and I'm that bitch". Yeah, I thought she was saved. Any who after that I calmly told her I don't have to take that bullshit from her are anybody else and that was that. Haven't spoken since.

You want to know the truth. I'm cool with that. I said awhile ago that our relationship has been irreversibly damaged since I was like 14. Sometimes I really don't care man. I'm tired of the drama. She really doesn't bring anything positive to my life.

So, why can't I just let it go?

PFE

2007-07-24T18:56:00.000-05:00

PFE=Promotion Fitness Examination.

For those that don't know. Professional military education courses are mind- numbingly boring. I'm taking my promotion test tomorrow morning and I've been studying this promotion study guide hard but somehow I honestly feel like it really hasn't been absorbed. I was REALLY trying to make it this time around, mostly for the pay raise, but the more I think about it. I'm not tripping if I don't. I'm about a week away from being the highest ranking person in my department as it is, which threatens to throw me into administration/ paperwork hell. I'm still going to do my best but I'm not stressing anymore.

Hump Day

2007-07-18T19:32:00.000-05:00

What up folks?

I've once again been slacking on the posting. I'm simultaneously studying for a promotion test and trying to learn some things for work ( I honestly feel like I need to take a couple semesters worth of classes) but in true military fashion I will learn most of what I need in 3 months of on the job training...whatever. I actual feel better about the job now that I'm actually doing the work. Spending 8 hours a day observing was torture. I'm starting to warm up to some of the people at the job ( takes me a minute to decide if I wanted to bother..lol) people are probably going to think I don't like them or that I'm anti-social in a minute though. These folks have been working in that department together for damn near 20 years and spend a lot of off-duty time hanging out together, while I appreciate being invited out and too house parties and all, I'm sorry I spend the majority of my time working with these folks I don't want to spend my off-duty time with them too. Am I the only one with that issue?

I just had to drop $250 on a new Ipod after I lost my old one. It's cool though I upgraded to a 30GB video. I guess that will be my splurge item. I decided to save the majority of that money I mentioned in my last post. I did by 2-3..ok 4 pairs of new kicks though. Yeah, that's enough splurging.

Another reason I had to get a new Ipod was so I could get my ass back in the gym. Maybe it's just me but working out is horrible without my music. I just can't do it...at least I won't do it. Booboo decided to send me some shirtless pictures. That lil dude went and got sexy..I mean he was always sexy to me but you know now he's ...SEXY. I'm like "damn I got to stay on equal footing". I'm going to work on it. I would post the pic...but um he would kick my ass..lol.

Does anyone know what happened to this group. They were called One Chance signed to Ushers record Label. I just really liked this song.

Hey

2007-07-02T18:15:00.000-05:00

I told myself I was gonna post more often..so much for that.

My vacation officially ended a week ago. A brother had to go back to work which I isn't so bad. Mostly because I transferred to a new department, I thought that was what I wanted and it's cool except for.....the getting up at 6am...Hate It.hate it. HATE IT!!!. I've gone nine years in the military without having to get up early. I never knew it was so hard.
Other than that I really like the new job. I don't really know what I'm doing and people tell me it'll be about three months before I'm ready to work alone and even then I'll still have much, much more to learn. Getting the job was phase 1 of my getting the hell out the AF plan. Phase 1 accomplished.

I just finished watching my recording of the BET awards...Here's my review
Overall show---Boooo( Monique used to be funny)
Performances----C+ Once again it was all about the older artists. Pattie shuting down Yolanda, Eddie and Gladys and Erica Badus' tribute to Diana Ross were the highlights in my opinion. Boo to Diddy and 50 for lip syncing( you're f$%^&*&rappers) TI the split personality thing is boring already. Ciara...sigh You're a hell of a dancer. Did she shake her ass in Bow Wows face when she jumped in the audience? Beyonce. I don't know I was mostly checking out her dance partner. That's all I really remember.

I recently received $5,000 dollars. I won't to buy myself something nice. I've narrowed it down to a new bed, a LCD HD TV or I don't really know. I just feel that I should treat myself.

I can't wait to see Transformers. The CGI looks sick.
I can't wait for Wednesday. I'm off Wed and Thursday. This Mon-Fri shit. How do people do it?

Happy 4th everybody.

I Feel......

2007-06-23T00:53:00.000-05:00

Lonely... That's how I feel right now. It's incredibaly hard for me to admit that. I've always been somewhat of a loner. Didn't need anyone( diddn't really want anyone) around. Go back about 7-8 years I was incredibally shy, hell borderline aniti-social actually. It's kinda sad thinking about the lengths I would go to to avoid socail situations. The kid had problems seriously. Even when I got over my "people-phobia" I was still the type of guy who could spend extended amounts of time without really hanging out with other people without feeling any way about it. Lately though...Maybe I just miss my boyfriend.

Is it wrong for me to want the dude I've been with going on 4 years now to move in with me? The answer is probably no. Is it wrong thinking about ending my relationship when he tells me he doesn't want to move. The plan was for him to move here when he finished school but he needed atleast a year experience in his chosen field before most places around here would even accept an application. That year is about up and everytime I bring up the whole moving situation he dodges it. I Love him but I don't think either of us saw ourselves in a long-distance relationship forever. Like I said I really don't think he plans on moving. He hates it here, can't tell me why but he hates it here. Like Hattiesburg, MS is so great. Whatever, we'll see what the end of the summer brings.

Maybe I SHOULD get a dog.

Hey

2007-06-18T18:26:00.000-05:00

What up everyone or atleast the two people who sweep past this blog..lol.
I've been back in the US for a couple weeks now...and I'm bored already.

First thanks to those who sent me emails while I was away..that was really appreciated. It was very boring over there sometimes. I've pretty much just been hanging out since I've been back. Spent time time the boyfriend( anybody heard that Rihanna song "I hate that I love you"?) That's how I feel about my relationship right now.

Anyway, I've got one last week of vacation and plan on spending it having some fun. Til next time.

Greeting from Here

2007-02-02T07:30:00.000-06:00

Wassup everybody,

I'm actually sitting in Germany right now although I'm about to head back to Irag in about a hour. One of the perks of working in Air Evac you get to leave that place a couple of times a week. Things are goin well or they could be worse atleast. Just wanted to let anyone who's still looking at this blog know that I'm doing alright..Haven't really had the chance to look at any blogs and Blogger is actually blocked like most sites where I'm stationed. Anyone who would like to correspond can hit me up at darnel16@yahoo.com

Be Good
LJ

On My Way

2007-01-10T21:25:00.000-06:00

Well this will be my last post for awhile. I don't know if I'll have access to blogger. Althouh I've heard people have access to MySpace. Hopefully I'll be able to read my blogs if not I'll holla in the spring. Be good and stay safe everyone.

Stupid Family

2007-01-08T20:22:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I miss my family. Most of the time I don't but I'm kind of missing them right now. Probably because they're all together in St. Louis right now. By the way when I say family I'm really only talking about my mom and my siblings. I don't really deal with the extended family, most of those jokers are crazy for real.
Why they didn't they fly out to see the son and brother they miss so much/ I don't know you'd have to ask them. I do know that for the last 8 years I've been the one putting money down for airline tickets, burning gas and risking death( I have a tendency to doze when driving long distances alone)to visit . I guess it's too much to ask for them to come here. Oh well. Maybe I'll see them when I get back.
I fucking hate the Air Force! I can't wait until 2008! I just had to get that out.

The pics are of my younger brother and sister who flew all the way to....St Louis to visit my mother. Well call her next time your rent is late. I'm not bitter...really I'm not...LOL.

Randumbness

2007-01-04T18:27:00.000-06:00

I hope that everyone is doing well in the New Year!

This is going to be one of those rambling bullet form posts.

- Technically I'm single right now, really haven't decided how I feel about that.
- I'm meeting my (ex?) boyfriend on Saturday to discuss some things.
- Does anyone think that the Iraq "situation" will change after Saddams death?
- I think I'm becoming addicted to porn.
- I'm gonna refer to The Captain as Uncle Ruckus for now on. Boondocks fans will know why.
-I haven't decided if Barack Obama will get my vote in 2008. If he decides to run and wins that ticket that is.
- That show Ugly Betty is pretty good. I watched a marathon on New Years.
- My entire family has been depressed lately. I'm thinking about kidnapping and placing them in an elaborate maze of traps to make them appreciate their lives.
- I am incredibly conflicted about my chosen religion, especially now.
- My brother just told me that my father is pretty much homeless. That's really sad to me.
-People keep emailing me about my blank MySpace page. I really only signed up to be able to check out some of my friends pages.-
-I'll probably elaborate on some of these later.

28 DEC 06

2006-12-28T01:54:00.000-06:00

Wassup,

I hope everyone had a peaceful Christmas. How was mine you ask? Well I worked All night the day before, so I slept most the day, went to see Dreamgirls with a friend and had pancakes at IHOP. All in all not a bad Christmas..lol. The 25th was also the third anniversary of my relationship with Crazy( aka BooBoo).

Since every blogger MUST give his/her opinion on the movie. Here's mine:

Dreamgirls wasn't a perfect movie but definitely a entertaining one.
The music:
was awesome. The one song that I thought was kinda cheesy( Family) grew on me by the time of the reprise. I just downloaded the "full" soundtrack as a matter of fact. How gay is that..LOL.
The acting:
I thought Jennifer Hudson did a great job especially for a first time actress stepping into a well known part. I don't think it lived up to the hype but still a great job
Eddie Murphy was perfect. I don't know if anyone could have pulled that part off without being really over the top. I hope he wins that Golden Globe and gets a Oscar nom too.
Jamie Foxx was Ok..I didn't think he brought anything particularly special to the part.
I don't know his name but the guy who plays CC was...Really cute. Naw I just read he's working on a album.
The Dreamgirl who got no press Anika Rose did a great job with what she was given.

Beyonce...well, I'll just say that six months of acting lessons definitely helped. I almost forgot about her cringe worthy acting in her prior roles. I think that she was born to play this version of Deana.

I don't know if it was the editing or just the way the story was written but the movie was a little disjointed. One moment all the focus is on Effie then it's all about Deana. Curtis goes from being a little shady to cold hearted bastard in just a couple of frames and I think the Deana and Curtis relationship needed a little more build up.

I really didn't mean write a whole post about Dreamgirls but there you go.

Update

2006-12-21T23:28:00.000-06:00

So a lot has happened since my last post. BooBoo and I did break up...

for two days. A lot of things were said. A lot of things were discussed. I understand some things that I didn't before and I think he does too. I told him if he wasn't happy he should let it go but he said that's not what he wanted. So the relationship still feels a little unsteady but it's still present. I'll be leaving in a few weeks anyway so he'll have plenty of time to "think".

In other news...

These people at work are riding my nerves HARD. I swear everyday there's something else that needs to be done or some new office I need to visit..Oh and I'm still expected to work all night. Hell...Iraq might be a vacation from this place. Right now I'm just trying to pack. I think I can fit everything I need in two bags. There's nothing worse than trying to schlepp a bunch of bags half way across the world.

I decided not to try to visit the family for Christmas. For both economic and mental reasons...LOL. I had to work on Christmas eve anyway. It's weird, I used to fell really depressed around this time of year. That's not the case anymore, it just feels like any other time of year. It's probably because San Antonio doesn't even try to look festive so it REALLY feels like any other time of year. O h well maybe next year

25 DEC 03-12 DEC 06

2006-12-12T22:10:00.000-06:00

IT'S OVER I THINK. HE TOLD ME I WANT IT TO BE OVER...LOL. I'M TIRED.

Sometimes love is not enough

2006-12-05T18:28:00.000-06:00

First to answer everyone's question. What was I doing on blackgaychat? Well, 1st if I had a profile on there I would be a huge hypocrite. A friend of mine recently discovered his boyfriends profile on there "looking for a nicca on top of his game". For some reason that made me want to check it out. WE( this friend and I) were pretty much in the same situation. We both had lovers like in other states and I can't really explain it. Something in me wanted to just check to see if he was on there. So I used my friends screen name, specifically searched his city and spotted his torso on display for the world to see. The thing is I've never really been suspicious of him and I didn't think he would be on there "like that".

When we got back together I had a profile on A4A that I deleted because he thought that even if I was just chatting and looking for friends, it would lead to temptation. Plus I was trying to regain his trust, so if that's what it took. Whatever!

I created a fake profile and hit him up and we had a hour long conversation on YIM. He said he was just bored and looking for friends, nothing sexual. He DID say that he was single and he was very flirtatious. He even gave "the dude" his phone number. Afterwards I talked to him and let him know what was up. He was very apologetic. He didn't have any answers though. He said he'd seen his friends chat on there and he liked the compliments he got on his pics.

My feelings? I think that maybe he was curious about it. Liked the compliments and attention and yeah despite what he says the temptation to do "something" was there. I told him that if our relationship was too much for him, if going so long without sex is too much for him then he just has too say so. That I could respect. I'm about to leave the country for four months and I can't...fuck that!! I won't spend that time worrying about what he's doing back here. He says no, he loves me he doesn't want anyone else, blah, blah, blah

I choose to believe him right now. I also wonder if I'm being a fool by doing so. Why string me along when you can be free to do what you want? Am I a fool? Should I break up with him?

I love him so much. I believe he loves me but how much can one relationship take.

WTF

2006-12-03T23:26:00.000-06:00

So you find out your lover of almost three years has a profile on blackgaychat.com. He's half naked and claiming to be single. Do you confront him on the shit right away? Do you make up a fake profile and try to see what he's really up to?

At first I thought maybe it was old but thank's to a fairly new piercing, The pictures have to be fairly recent. It's funny, he always told me these sites where only good for sex. I talked to him tonight and he kept asking me what was wrong. Is it possible that it's "innocent"? Possibly. Meaning he hasn't actually done anything but even if he hasn't WTF!!!! I'm supposed to see him next weekend. Yeah I'm kind of sad.

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T20:37:00.000-06:00

Damn it's the holiday season already! I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I didn't really do much. Didn't even go to the movies like I planned it's cool though. I invited my mom down but she decided not to come, so I cooked for myself and slept most of the day. A friend did bring me some sweet potato pie. Thanks Kenn.
I'm contemplated getting up and catching the sales in the morning...probably won't but atleast I'm thinking about it. I have to work tomorrow night.
Speaking of work. I'm going to start taking some time off now that all of my pre-deployment stuff is done. I'm still leaving sometime in January, they won't give me an exact date yet. I might be gone for six months now instead of four. Hoping my relationship can survive that. I was actually going to get deployed to Germany next week but thanks to some undone training that didn't happen. Germany vs Iraq. As odd as it sounds I don't know which I would have preferred. In Germany I would have been staying in my own hotel room, had access to a car and got a chance to travel a little. The job would have involved flying wounded soldiers back to the states but I would've have received any special pay or saved much money probably. In Iraq I'll get about $1000 dollars a month in special pay and saved taxes I'll save money because, well there's not a lot there to spend money on plus the savings on utilities and stuff. The down side...Mortar attacks...Seeing up close and personal the price of freedom( as the president puts it..LOL)..Missing my shows( not a big one but Heroes is the shit)...Oh yeah and it might be six months. Doesn't really matter I'm going to Iraq.

Madea @ The Black Movie Awards

2006-11-09T20:50:00.000-06:00

I WILL actually write a post soon. I just have a whole lot going on right now and some of it is actually good.

I don't remember seeing this but it's funny...if you like Madea.

Ciara- Promises

2006-11-01T17:14:00.000-06:00

This is one the hottest videos I've seen in awhile.

Happy Halloween

2006-10-31T11:31:00.000-06:00

Why does Thriller still scare me? I got this thing about zombies....even dancing zombies..LOL.

Ignorant???

2006-10-26T23:01:00.000-05:00

A friend sent me this. I knew there was a deeper reason I didn't like this song...LOL

New Artist Jibbs' Single "Chain Hang Low". A History behind the nusery rhyme that the song is biting off of .

Recently there is a new artist out of Saint Louis that goes by the name JIBBS. Jibbs debut single "Chain hang low" has a history that most people are not aware of. The particular nusery rhyme that the song mimics is "Ears Hang Low" The history behind this song is that during the civil war Confererate soldiers would remove certain body parts (primarily ears and testicles) from the deceased corpses of freed slaves who were fighting as Northern (Yankee) soldiers after their battles. These "trinkets" were then placed on a rope necklace and worn as a trophy piece. As the lyrics to the nusery rhyme state "do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro... etc" "Can you throw them over your shoulder like a (Continental) soldier". This word (Continental) took this nursery rhyme from racist jargon to playful melody. The word that filled this space was (Confederate) as in Confederate soldier. Other nursery rhymes have done the same i.e. Eenie, Meenie, Minee, Moe catch a Ni**er by his toe. Not Tiger. My question to young people black and white is that "Does knowing the history of the nursery rhyme change your opinion of the New single by Jibbs. " Personnally knowing this myself I can't stand to hear the song. It seems to advertise our ignorance as a people. I wrote this note to inform people of this. Knowledge is power and Ignorance IS NOT BLISS; its SUICIDE. If you don't know, you can't change. So black, white, indifferent tell me how you feel about this now that you've attained knowledge

2006-10-22T22:58:00.000-05:00

Why in the Texas hell am I sitting here watching A Nightmare On Elm Street? If there is one horror movie that will give me nightmares, that's the one. Now I'm gonna swear Freddy Kruegers in my closet all night.

BooBoo left this evening. I miss his messy ass already. He's going to have to pack his shit and move..lol. Yeah I doubt that's going to happen. Wonder where that'll leave us. We had a good time though, didn't even have one "disagreement" while he was here. That's rare.

Glad I had the week off to spend with him. Wait did I have the week off? I guess it counts as a week off considering I wasn't working but I still had to go get stuff done on that base. You would think they would kind of leave you alone when they're about to send you out the country. Not here. I have medical appointments, repetitive training to do, equipment to pick up and it just goes on and on.

To answer a question from my last post. The little brother with the sex questions is the straight one. He's just weird like that. I call him the Kappa. The gay lil brother and I don't really talk. My relationship with him is a casualty of my relationship with our father. We have been communicating on Myspace though.

Ran-dumbness

2006-10-16T05:15:00.000-05:00

-As I type this I'm at work slowly nearing the end of my shift. I pretty much worked 7 days this week. Never again.
-I'm off for the next seven days though. Hallelujah!!!
-BooBoo will be here Wednesday afternoon. Damn, it's been like a month and half. Probably gonna take another month to recover. Heh Heh.
-I'm in charge of a shift full of young white males.
- Why are they always talking bout sucking each others dicks and calling each other fags and carrying on. I don't understand that fraternity behavior.
- There's an article about AJ and Free of 106th & Park fame in this months Vibe. Why is it sooo unrevealing.
- Why is everytime you try to approach a gay male on a friendship level they always assume you trying to get with them?
- I got my official RIP for my deployment a couple days ago. January 20th baby. LJ takes on Baghdad......LOL
- Why is my younger brother always asking me about sex? He asked if I trimmed my secret garden tonight. That boy is weird.
- I get the feeling Monica has lived a hard life from listening to her new CD. Sideline Ho is one of the best songs I've heard in a minute.
- I tried really hard to not like Justin Timberlakes new CD but I got to admit most of it is pretty tight. I wish I liked Janets more.
- Why am I just now discovering that show The Wire? Good stuff.
- I need a hair cut so bad. It's curling up all over the place. I got I cow lick.

My Moms is Krazy

2006-10-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

So my mother cussed me out today because I wasn't returning her phone calls and them immediately reinforced my reasons for not returning her phone calls. I just prefer not to deal with her much. She thinks I'm still angry about things that happened when I was a kid but I'm not. I'm just detached, almost completely, from her and her drama. She believes we should this beautiful mother-son relationship that just aint happening.
I mean, I hated this woman at 14 years old, pitied her after I left home and now I'm just kinda annoyed. I can hear the "that's the only mother you're ever gonna haves" out there. So, I'll just say I love the lady. I just don't like the person that she is.

I just found out my little brother( half-brother)Darnell is gay. I haven't seen this dude since he was about seven, he's 16 now. My other little brother(Pierce) works in admissions at Berkeley University and had to do a presentation at Darnells school. Pierce said he was leaving the school and heard some Queen calling his name. He said he was surprised as hell to find out it was his little brother. That shit was hilarious. It funny to me because we have almost the same name too. I'm Larry Darnell Minor he's Darnell Larry Minor. The two Gay Minor boys....LOL. Dad should be so proud.

Laugh Now, Cry Later. 10 Little Things I Love and Hate About My Relationship

2006-09-28T22:23:00.000-05:00

I sent this to BooBoo today....

10 things that I hate:

10. Making me listen to and watch any and everything Beyonce does. I mean she cool but I don't like her like that.

9. Just cuz I'm your man, I'm suppose to be the problem solver, miracle worker, part the red seas and open up the heavens.

8. I don't have any kids but I feel like it cuz you poke your bottom lip out when you don't get your way knowing I will fall for it.

7. You call me 10-15 times a day and get a little tude when I don't really have anything to day.

6. You like to get "little man" all excited, then try to tell me I got to wait to handle business. IT AINT FUNNY!!!!!!!

5. You are always on the phone. I swear I want to break that damn thing in half sometimes.

4. You get on me like my momma used to when my place gets a little messy.

3. I swear sometimes I actually see breasts grow on you when you're with your "gurls".
I AM NOT going to refer to those dudes as my sister-in-laws.

2. You like to bring up old shit during a new argument.

1. Even though you try your best to respect when I need private time to myself, you are 100% with out a doubt my Mr. Me Too.

10 things that I love:

10. We love each other to much to walk away.

9. You think I can solve your problems , work miracles, part the red seas and open up the heavens.

8. Your random and spontaneous love making sessions.

7. You rub my head for me when I'm feeling stressed

6. You give me manicures like Janet did for Tupac on Poetic Justice.

5. I'm the first person you call in the morning and the last person you call at night.

4. When we're at Dave and busters you pretend you can't play the hoops game all the time just so I can get behind you and show you how to shoot. No matter how many times you do it, never gets old.

3. When we're together you can't go to sleep unless part of me is touching part of you.

2. You get on me worse than momma used to when my place gets a little messy with a smile on your face.

1. We can still just lay in the bed cuddled up without saying a word for hours and it still feels like the most comfortable thing in the world.

~Okay you know what? I realized something. Its been over a year since I've been blogging. The majority of my entries has been about the trials of tribulations of my relationship wit my boyfriend. After further reflection we've been through a lot of shit and I'm positive there is more to come but I wouldn't change or give it up for anything. Even though there are people in my life that are leaves that try to be branches. BooBoo has always been my root from day one. So if someone shows you who they are the first time. Believe them. Had to take that page from Madea and Maya Angelou.~

"I'll burn this place to the ground"

2006-09-24T20:26:00.000-05:00

I HATE MY FUCKING JOB!!!!!

Seriously with a passion usually only seen in religious extremists. I hate this job. I want walk in that building strapped with bombs and AK-47s. Just start taking mofos out.
It's not just the schedule, although I'm already burnt out on theses 12 hour shifts. Well maybe it is the schedule, plus having to accomplish my work, dealing with peoples personal lives, plus having to write tons of reports the "military" way( which will stress you the fuck out), plus doing all the other military shit I have to do on my time off because of course I work nights ....sooo yeah.
Here's a example of the craziness. Friday morning around 10am. I'm still at work after working a 12 hour shift trying to finish a award package that just had to get done that day. I get called into the supervisors office and witness this guy going off like Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest when she found the wire hanger. Apparently someone on my shift had left a yellow sticky note in one of the patients charts as a reminder for the doctor to reorder a patients medication. Granted it wasn't very professional but it wasn't illegal or harmful to anyone. Calm the fuck down!!!
Damn I'm almost ready to go to Iraq.

Well not quite. To say I'm less than thrilled about this development would be a understatement. I've been through it before though and like I said IT WILL BE THE LAST TIME. There is no way in the 9 circles of hell that I would re-enlist again. I'll be going atleast four months(hopefully no more than that, but you never know). On the bright side how many people can say they've to Afghanistan and Iraq, huh? How many?

Anywho let me finish watching Desperate Housewives. Those white chicks are crazy. I'm gonna need Bree to stop hooking up with psychpaths.

Food far thought. Why aren't there any good shows or shows period with minority casts on TV?

Throwback

2006-09-23T12:31:00.000-05:00

I used to love this song. Kinda how I'm feeling right now bout the relationship.

I'm going write a real post soon...

2006-09-14T21:03:00.000-05:00

So ...So much with keeping up the blog, huh?

Oh well. I'm here now.

It's been an interesting week for me.

Found out I'm heading to Iraq in January. That'll be fun. I guess that's one of the reasons I'm not mad at BooBoo for deciding not to move here. Oh well. Trust it'll be the last time.

Watched "When the Levees Broke". I don't think I've ever watched anything that made me that mad, sad and had me laughing at the same time. For real if you have HBO check it out. It's powerful stuff.

Found out my mom outed me to the whole family like a month ago. She said she wanted to tell people she was proud to have a gay son. We'll I'm glad she feels better.

Anyway..Just checking in...I'll holla.

2006-09-04T20:45:00.000-05:00

So..WOW. I'm getting REALLY bad at keeping up with this blog. It's funny because I had actually wrote a post about how blogging isn't the same anymore. Most of the blogs I read on the regular are either no longer there or they're not being updated often ( kind of like mine..LOL).
I've been very busy lately. I haven't even been reading my blogs lately. This being a supervisor shit is for the birds. Dealing with peoples attitudes and schedules and what they think you should be doing and how you should be doing it...Ugh. I quit. I started taking classes again, trying to finish my degree before I "quit" the Air Force. I some how in this furnace they call TX caught a cold. Hot and congested it's horrible. I've been taking Tussin to the the head for like a week now.

BooBoo made his decision about moving here. Basically he took a permanent position...in Hattiesburg, MS and decided to tell me about it two weeks later. There you go. All the while telling me still wants to be with me. There are some details I'm purposely leaving out but I'm kind of thinking that this relationship may have run it's course. I just don't really know right now. He needs to grow up some and there are things I'm not really willing to accept from him anymore.

Anywho, I'm going to TRY to manage this Blog better.

Listening to: "Obvious" LeToya

I'll Never Tell

2006-08-12T17:16:00.000-05:00

I had a "interesting" conversation at work last night.

I was chilling in the common area of the office when I noticed a picture of Lance Bass from Nsync( the one that just came out) on this guys locker. Now this guy...he's very flamboyant...very obvious. After I tell them to take the shit down( why don't they just spray paint fag across his locker), we get into a conversation about homosexuality. I hear most of the usual shit I'm sure we've all heard before
" I don't understand how two dudes can be together" If you did you'd be gay, huh?

" I don't think it's a choice, god wouldn't make a mistake" Like you know how god thinks.

" I couldn't be friends with a gay person" Well guess what you are or atleast you were.

Usually when I'm in a situation like this. I either keep my mouth closed to keep from cussing someone out( it's like if someone was sitting there talking shit about black people) or talk about my live and let live philosophy. This time I did the latter but towards the end of this small minded chatter this one chick said something that made me think...

"well if you're going to join the military you need to assimilate to military culture and the military's way of life"

hmmm...She may have something there. I mean whether you think the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy is right or wrong it is law and people are informed about the policy before signing those enlistment papers. Personally I think the policy is stupid. I doubt that if it was removed we would see a sudden influx of out and proud people in the military, there are other reasons to stay in the closet. It does seriously screw up the lives and careers of hundreds of people who were probably serving there country well until certain information came to light.
It's not just the sudden lost of a job of a job though. There is a stigma that comes with receiving a less than honorable discharge from the military. There's the loss of benefits and entitlements. For example, members are entitled to disability pay for any permanent injuries they received while in the service. I have a jacked up shoulder from carrying patients on litters, I have slight hearing loss from working around planes and I was exposed to TB while working in a military hospital.
I've served this government for almost 8 years, 13 months of which I spent in assorted miserable desserts. Lived in places I've never really wanted to be and done jobs that I've hated and I'll be damned if I don't get everything that's coming to me when my time is up. So regardless of my feelings about gays in the military and the way I want to live my life right now I'm going to keep my mouth closed, keep my life outside the job to myself and get through these last two years.

Does that make me a sell out?

'Here's Where i Stand' from the movie 'Camp'

2006-08-08T01:00:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, late one night. I was bored watching some movie about a bunch of kids at a drama camp. It was cute or whatever. Then there was a song that really touched me. Listen to the lyrics.

And just caues I think this chick can really sang. Her name is Sasha Allen, she was on that VH1 show from a few years ago, Who wants to be a Diva are something like that. This is the opening of the movie.

2006-08-07T18:21:00.000-05:00

Is it me or are gay men too damn fickle when it comes to relationships. I was talking to one of my friends today and he was telling me that he and his "friend" had a big fight. About What I asked?

Him " We went shopping and he was acting all impatient and disinterested"

Me "And?"

Him " and if he didn't want to go he should have said so"

Me " well I'm sure that if he knew shopping with you was a all day event he wouldn't have"

Any way he's thinking of breaking up with this dude who he was just sprung over a couple days ago over this. It's not just him though. I know a lot of dudes who are just head over heals for someone until they have a disagreement, usually over some really small trivial shit,then dude loses all their shine and are ready to be traded in.

Don't these fellas know that relationships are hard and even if you find that special someone you want to spend your life with, there will still be moments when you want beat a nigga with a bat. Maybe not that bad but still being committed to someone means compromising, working things out, letting go of some of your pride, being there for better or for worse and all that chatter. Don't get me started on these dudes with grocery lists of qualities that are impossible to find in one person.
In complete honesty if I sat and wrote one of those lists a couple of years ago my current boyfriend probably wouldn't measure up to half of it and I would be missing out because that lil dude is the best thing that ever happened to me. We are damn near complete opposites...DRIVES ME CRAZY AT TIMES....but I think we can work through anything that comes our way...at least I hope so.

I'm not sure but we may not be together a couple months from now. The future of our relationship is completely in his hands right now. He's still deciding whether or not he wants to move to San Antonio. Last time I checked he was 70% for moving. He has to get licensed and he has to find a job here BEFORE he moves, which is smart I understand all that. The Virgo in me really doesn't like uncertainty though.
He has complained that he hates San Antonio. Made that determination in the whole nine days he's spent here. I think he really doesn't want to move away from his family and his little clique of friends but I can't be mad at that either, it's a heavy decision. Guess we'll see.

Back Again

2006-08-01T01:27:00.000-05:00

What up folks,

I just got back from spending a week in lovely Hattiesburg, MS. BooBoo is a college graduate...finally. It was a pretty good trip despite the fact I decided to drive...really hate driving long distances. My trip wasn't helped by the fact that it rained damn near the whole way there and I'm talking that got to slow down to stay on the road type rain. My nine hour road trip took damn near twelve but I made it so I'm not complaining. The trip itself was pretty good hardly no drama this time(lol) the little there was was actually my fault. We were play arguing( just go with it) So I said "you know I didn't come all the way down here to suffer this abuse" and kinda left. Well, I did leave but I left to find these shoes he said he wanted to give him as a graduation gift and kinda stayed out for a couple hours looking for them. As you can imagine he was kind of pissed when I got back to the apartment and I had to kiss his ass(literally) to get out of the dog house...the shoes helped too I'm sure.

I'm really feeling the song "Together Again" by Janet Jackson for some reason right now. I always liked that song but it's really talking to me right now. Probably because my grandma's birthday just passed. The song was released around the time of her death. Speaking of Janet, her new single is kind of growing on me even though there's a little too much happening in the video.
Justin Timberlakes new cut is kind of annoying after repeated listening. That shit could just be torture...

Go head be bold with it, Go head be bold with it, Go head be bold with it.

I told my lil brother that he could come and spend some time with me this summer. I need to get on that, summers almost over.

Summer colds are the worst!!

2006-07-14T20:53:00.000-05:00

What up Blog friends. I feel like I haven't posted much lately(probably because I haven't). I've been crazy busy. The job ...sigh* the job is trying me. booBoo is good and the family relations are all positive. I do have a cold that's kicking my ass right now.

I'll post something of consequence soon.

I thought this was kinda funny..........

10 Truths about Blacks, Whites, and Hispanics! Entry for July 14, 2006
10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year old child is too big for a stroller.
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T
ADMIT:

1. Hickey's are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. Jump out and run is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in our family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T
ADMIT:

1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything..
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

I'm Da Juggernaught Bitch

2006-07-10T06:21:00.000-05:00

These dudes had too much time on there hands.

WARNING BAD LANGUAGE

4th

2006-07-04T05:25:00.000-05:00

I've been off the net for a minute. A virus infected my computer, it seemed to have affected my Anti-virus software specifically( how odd is that). Thanks to spending $100 dollars on new software and a tech savvy friend I'm up and running again. Although this new software is a pain in the ass. I have to manually set preferences for every web page I visit.

BooBoo was here last week. Tonight he said it was great that we didn't argue the whole time. I'd have to agree. I'm headed back to Mississippi in a few weeks to see him FINALLY graduate. I think his present will be the $530 I spent on a new fuel pump to get him back home.

My mom and I had a decent conversation today. It's just the calm before the storm though.

Anybody see Superman Returns. If you liked the movies starring Christopher Reeves, you'll love the new one even if it was a little too long.

It's the 4th of July and I got to work. That's just wrong. I'll probably give a couple of folks the night off if it's still slow. Sucks being the boss( can't give myself the night off). Oh well, I think I'll pick up some chicken or BBQ for the rest tonight.

HAPPY FORTH OF JULY!!!!!!

......

2006-06-22T16:14:00.000-05:00

What I didn't meantion in my last post is that the fight only lasted a few hours. That's one thing about us MOST of the time the fights don't last long. It's got me analyzing some things in my head, trying to decide how healthy our relationship is.
Ninety-nine percent of the time it's great. I think he knows me better than anyone else in the world. He's the type of dude who'll tell me he loves me like eight times in a conversation and I can feel it even over the phone( corny right?). He's stubborn but I am too and then there's that mouth....sigh. I'm told he gets it from his dad and I believe it after watching his dad go off on someone, but just like Ms. Betty will shut his dad down when he crosses that line....you know the rest.
I guess we're alright. Every couple fights, but some of our fights have been so fucking belligerent. He gets so belligerent sometimes. l guess I'm just venting. He'll be here Sunday.

In other news....
Does anyone know how to download clips from youtube to your blog? What about blog radio?

When You're Mad? Ne-Yo must be crazy

2006-06-20T04:39:00.000-05:00

So my weekend was pretty boring. I slept most of it, cleaned me apartment( somewhat) and read a couple books. I had a big ass fight with BooBoo on Sunday afternoon though and I'm trying to figure out if I overreacted. Here's what happened....

Picture it Sicily...1926. Naw Sunday afternoon I was in Walmart picking up a few things when my phone rang. It's that boy. We chit chat. I'm asking about church..What grandma cooked for dinner. I didn't realize it was Fathers Day, seeing as how I don't talk to mine. So, I ask him what he got his dad for Fathers Day. He tells me $20. I'm like "that's it, you could have got him a card are something" . After going back and forth about that for a minute( I'm mostly joking by the way). He says " What did you get your father?...Nothing that's what I thought. Better yet what did you get your mom for Mothers day...Nothing? So, How you gonna tell me what I should have got my father?"

Now at this point the world stops like it would on those early episodes of saved By The Bell when Zack needed to talk to the audience. Did he really just say that to me because that was some messy shit. Am I wrong? I mean that was kind of mean and...yeah mean. Especially with him knowing about the situation between my parents and I. Hmmmm I should get off the phone.

So I tell him that was some mean shit to say. He feels justified because in his mind I questioned his love for his dad because I said he should have bought a card are something. One thing you should know about him is that he has a temper and when he's mad he will say some off the wall shit. Usually when he's like that I just get off the phone, let him calm down because he's not going to hear me and he will continue to put his foot in his mouth. For example...after going back and forth for awhile he tells me that his parents are his business and my parents are mine. I say cool I'll never ask about his parents again. I guess that snapped him out of it because THAT hurt his feelings. Crazy right?

-This story is getting Long-

In the end I had to cuss my baby out.....BAD. I feel kind of bad, but he pissed me off that day and kind of had it coming.
That's the darkside of our relationship. He has a temper, BUT he will not be just talking to me any kind of way because he's mad.

Did I overreact? Was I being sensitive? Can you understand this post? It's like 4am and I've been running all over this hospital all night...LOL

Say A Little Prayer For Me

2006-06-17T00:27:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading E. Lynn Harris' new "I Say a Little Prayer". Read the thing in like 5 hours. I've enjoyed Most of his books, but I thought this one was excellent. In the beginning I thought the main character was going to be kind of a asshole with his whole" three date rule" or should I say three fuck rule. You start liking the guy and understanding why he is the way he is by the middle though. For those who've read his previous books...Yancy shows up( she didn't learn her lesson after all and Basil's in love with Ray.

I was gonna write a post entitled "Embarrassing Shit about ME" but yeah, had second thoughts about that one.

I'm listening to "Stay" by Lisa Loeb right now and it's stirring these feelings.....

This cheers me up though

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rERESWXV4Y

Just another 24

2006-06-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

<<<<< #1Godson(look at those ears) and BrandNew Godson.

It's been a long day. I actually got a couple of things accomplished. Got a haircut, got my car washed and waxed, went to the grocery store AND got my oil changed. That might not sound like alot but I've been Lazy as hell lately... Sleeping til 3-4 o'clock.

I sent my ex a birthday card today. I'm wondering if I should have. I kind of wanted him to know that I remembered. I mean we're still friends a guess. I don't know. I'm just wondering. He just broke up with his boyfriend and now he's feeling all nolstalgic about the last dude he let go...Me.

I need to start a regular exercise routine. A bad knee, Texas being hot as...Texas and working night shift has got things ...filling out. Don't get it twisted I'm still Slimmer than I want to be but I'm losing my "tone", so I need to handle that. I think I'm going to start going to Power Yoga classes again, those will kick your ass. I tried Spin classes but they hurt my knee. Last year I spent four months working out 6 days a week and I got, dare I say....sexy. I liked it, BooBoo liked it. I need to do that again.

Anyways I think I'm going to finally sit and watch these gay cowboys on that mountain....lata

I'm Doing It Again.

2006-06-12T04:36:00.000-05:00

Listening to "Lately" the original version(stevie) and feeling some kind of way about it. I don't really know why.

I'm doing it again. Not answering the phone, not answering text messages or emails. Why? I don't know. I just don't feel like dealing with certain people and THEIR issues. By "certain people" I mean the family. Yeah it's not right, but it's easy. I do need to call my mom so that I can get her new address though. Maybe later today.

I need some friends, man. I should rephrase that......I need some ((( friends. Friends like Noah has, friends that will come pick you up in the middle of night when you need it, friends that just show up at the house to hang out. I mean before ya'll think I'm one of those social misfits who can't find any. I have friends they're just scattered all over the nation and I've only been here a month. I thought about logging on to one of those "sites" to kinda meet some people, but those folks tend to think that friend means loose booty. Plus the Boo would kill me.
He'll be back here in a couple of weeks. Can't wait. I miss my baby. I've been having these dreams, these freaky dreams, these orgasmic dreams. Probably because I'm trying the celibacy thing again.

Jealousy

2006-06-06T01:18:00.000-05:00

You know. I feel like I'm not blogging about anything of consequence. I have several issues running around my mind right now, but I'm not really talking about them with anyone or blogging about them. I wonder why. No really I wonder why. Here's one.....

My best friend and his wife just welcomed their second son into the world. Jordan Thomas McCray( pictures should be coming shortly). My second Godson by the way. While I'm extremely happy for them I'm kind of jealous. I know doesn't that sound evil. I mean not "I wish bad things for them" jealous but " I wish I had a family like them" jealous.
My family..Well, my family sucks sometimes. I just started speaking to my mom again (long story), I don't talk to my dad( bastard) and I love my siblings dearly but it seems like we are all out living our separate lives( which is how it's supposed to be I guess) but I'm talking years without seeing each other. I really feel like I'm ready to create my own family. The Boo and I have discussed eventually raising children together but we still have to tackle living together first. Even if that doesn't work I always said I'd adopt a kid who needed a home one day or maybe find some lesbian friends who'd have my big eared babies. This rent-a-cop told me I look like Martin Lawrence today. Um...No.. I guess we all look alike. Anyway I'm just venting.

---On to the Superficial stuff-----

Has anyone seen that show the Footballers Wives on BBC America. OMG that's gonna be shit since Desperate housewives is gone for the summer. There was a rape, two women giving birth to the same mans babies at the same time, a baby swap, A faked paternity test, a stalker, a baby being smothered by the families dog and a cute confused gay black boy all in the first show. I don't understand the slang because the cast is British but still.

Has anyone heard of the group S Club? How about Imajin? Why did I buy their greatest hits album yesterday. My musical tastes are a bit TOO broad at times.

I finally watched that Destiny Children DVD. The one in Atlanta. I was impressed.

Anywho...I should be working......lata

2006-06-02T20:57:00.000-05:00

Slipping

2006-05-27T15:39:00.000-05:00

Me and the BOO hanging out in downtown San Antonio last weekend.

So, I've been kind of slipping on this blog thing lately. I know I know. My Baby was here all last week. We had a great time. Did the tourist thing. Found a hot club downtown with the friendliest lesbians you'll ever want to meet, went to Dave & Busters, hung at the pool and did some other "stuff". I miss him but he'll be back in a few weeks.

I hate my job...well not so much the job. The schedule though....hate night shift. I'd rather get up at 5am, do what I got to do and get home in the evening.

I wanted to see X-men this afternoon, but naw i'll wait til Monday. The Davinci Code was aight I guess. I mean it seemed rushed and long at the same time. BooBoos mom got pissed( very religious lady) when she found out we went to see it. I mean it was a interesting theory but my faith was'nt lost or anything. OOOOh , but if you want to see A good action flick, check out Poseidon. That was better than average.

Anywho...I got to get ready for work so I'll holla.....

Stuff

2006-05-16T19:25:00.000-05:00

Katherine is so going to be the new American Idol...Well maybe Taylor. All I know is that it want be Elliot.

Um...That pic in my previous post is sooo not me. That's Giovanni a.k.a BooBoo. He cute right?
There was suppose to be a caption but who has time to proof read.

BooBoo will be here Thursday afternoon....Yaaaay. I miss him...Well, I would if he would call a little less often. I mean I love you but damn!!!! I'm not one of those people who likes to keep the phone to my ear. He can't come too soon though. I' ve been completely celibate for the last two weeks. OMG!!! I'm sooo... I...I ...whoooooo

I have to work a 12 hour shift tomorrow. Hating it!!!! I hate shift work and definitely night shift. This shit is gonna cause some problems. 8 Nov 2008 I'm so over the military thing.

I didn't call my mother on Mothers Day. We're taking a break( weird right) but I feel kind of bad. In fact I haven't really talked to anyone. I just haven't been in the mood to talk. I don't know what the hell my problem is. I need to get over it, though.

When does the Noah's Arc DVD come out? Why do I want to see that show so bad?

Anyway...I'll Holla

No Longer The Brotha From Biloxi

2006-05-12T18:50:00.000-05:00

<<<

* listening to "Gift from a Virgo"*

So first off. Thank you LadyNay for calling me out.. I missed u too.

So I've been in San Antonio for a couple weeks now. I'ts been cool so far. I found a place pretty quick. I feel like I have moved on up. I'm out of the ghetto. It feels weird living in a large city again though. That's taking some getting used to. Traffic can be a bitch sometimes.

I've been check out my favorite blogs over the last couple days. I kinda missed that over the last month or so. I feel like I have a lot to write about but don't really want to think about a lot of "stuff" right now.

BooBoo will be here next week. I AM SO DAMN HAPPY!!!!!!!! I miss that boy and I'm horny as....nevermind. I'll Holla.

Closing Time

2006-03-29T21:37:00.000-06:00

Wll folks the movers are coming in the morning. The boyfriend doesn't have a computer..or internet access( how does he live). So I'll be back in 3- 4 weeks. I'll Holla.

Next stop...San Antone

No Title

2006-03-28T17:14:00.000-06:00

Who knew moving...I should say pre-moving would be this time consuming. Cleaning out closets and throwing out stuff that I don't want anymore. Apparently I've inherited my moms packrat tendencies. I have thrown out 4 large boxes and three trashbags full of junk( why do I keep old bills and statements...Crazy). Found some good stuff though..Old love notes from BooBoo, baby pictures, $20 and old love notes from the ex( I threw those away-LOL-). I am sooo glad movers are coming to handle the rest of this because I would've sold the old furniture and bought new if I had to load all this stuff.

-Damn I want a double cheeseburger-

So, BooBoo has really impressed his supervisors. He's in clinicals right now on his way to becoming a Surgical tech or Operation Room technician. He's impressed them so much that they've offered him a job with the local Organ Harvest team( basically they are a surgical team that covers most of MS, AL and LA, harvesting donated organs and transporting them to the people who need them). Now this is something he's said he really wants to do. Only problem is the job's in MS. I told him that I love him and would never try to prevent him from doing something that he really wants to do but at the same time I know our relationship won't survive the distance forever. So he has a decision to make. I did point out that there are Harvest teams in TX and he would make more money in the area. So, we'll see. He better let me know before I lease a two bedroom-LOL-.

-I need a haircut-

My mom has to move out of her current apartment and find I new one. Only problem her credit is laughable...Oh and she barely has a job soooo, good luck with that. I told her she needs to find some full time employment, doesn't matter where or what but she needs to work 40 hours a week. You know what she told me......"I'm going to start selling my bake goods". Ya'll I had to get off the phone before I either laughed hysterically or cursed her out.
I filed paperwork to claim her as my dependent. If approved the military will pay me like $500 extra dollars a month. Speaking of the military. Why have people been trying to convince me that I need to stay in twelve more years so I can retire. I mean getting that check for the rest of my life would be great and all but I can't deal with the system much longer. Maybe I'll join the reserves or something.

-I just made a Madonna I-mix. How gay is that?-

Conversations

2006-03-24T04:00:00.000-06:00

I had a conversation with one of my very good friends tonight. We were watching some reality show following folks getting plastic surgery. She asked me if I could get some free plastic surgery ala extreme makeover, what would I have done. Nothing really. I'm happy with my physical appearance in general. I mean I would get LASIK surgery maybe because I hate contacts and I'm still considering getting my ears pinned( although I've been told they're cute on me). But that's it. I finally start putting on some weight. Yo Boy used to be about 155lbs at 5'11. I've put on about 15lbs in the last six months lifting weights and drinking protein shakes. So I'm good.
Just a few years ago my answer would have probably been very different. I never really thought I was attractive growing up. I mean people would tell me "you're cute" or whatever but I didn't really believe them.

I had a conversation with my best friend Thomas a couple days ago. He's the last person in my life that hasn't been made aware of my sexual orientation. I'm thinking it's only a matter of time before they figure it though. Especially if BooBoo packs it up and joins me in San Antonio. He actually thinks one of my other good (girl) friends is in love with me. I guess I shouldn't have asked her to act like my girlfriend that time, huh? My whole family knows now, the ones that matter anyway. This dude is like my big brother. I love him. I love his entire family. They have treated me like family everytime I've seen them. I'm godfather to his son. The cynical part of me wants to say, "if they can't accept me then the hell with them" but I know it would hurt my hurt if they rejected me. Like I said I KNOW that they are going to figure it out sooner or later ( esp his wife with her nosy ass...That's my girl though) or I 'll tell them.

I found my little sisters blog on yahoo 360. OMG she's so much like me it's scary. Out of my moms 5 kids, the 2 of us are the odd ones...The loners. Our other brothers and sister are very social...Very outgoing. Weird how that works. We were all birthed from the same woman. Nature verses nurture I guess. I was having this conversation with my Jean( that's what I call my mom). Apparently I've always been this quiet and shy kid. She said I barely cried as a baby.
Most people think I'm shy when they meet me for the first time. I'm not really. I mean a may not wild out at first but that's because I need to observe you for a bit before I'm comfortable. Ok maybe I ma a little shy but I've gotten a lot better over the the last 5 years or so.

I'm moving out of my apartment next Friday and I have sooo much to do before then. I just realized that I might not have internet access for 3 or 4 weeks after. What is I gone I do!!!!! That's like going back to the 80's or something.

Listen to me Damnit

2006-03-19T21:27:00.000-06:00

Thank god this weekend is almost over. I feel like hell. My head's throbbing and I feel tired, probably because I've been averaging about five hours of sleep per day for the last few days. Did I mention I hate working nights? Two more nights and I am done with this shit. But let me stop bitching. Wait though one more thing-lol-

So I'm talking to my Ex last night. I guess we're still friends even though I've come to realize that he's not as honest as I thought. In fact he's just a really good liar, but that's his new mans' problem. He tends to call me when he has a problem( people tell me I'm a good listener). So, he's blah, blah,blah and I'm listening, giving advice here and there...You know. Then he asks "so what's been going on with you?" Now usually when I'm asked this question I usually say "not much" or "everything's pretty good" or talk about something mundane. This time however I'm going through some pretty deep shit( Mom's just been diagnosed with Emphysema....Dad supposedly had a break down of some kind..Still clear on what exactly happened). Before I'm done( I did listen to all his issue, as I've done on several occasions) he switches the conversation back to hisself and I'm like "whatever" let him finish and get off the phone. Now I'm not really pissed but I start thinking that's kinda fucked up. I've always been there for him but he can't even let me finish....Yeah I'm glad we broke up because I was really stupid for this dude( but that's another blog).
I think a little harder though and realize most of my relationships are that way though. My family and a lot of my friends call me when they just need to vent. I guess I'm a REALLY good listener but when I decide I need someone to listen to me bitch for a minute you can hear crickets. It's not like it happens too often because I internalize everything....Again that's another post though. My baby is there but he always tries to fix "it" whatever it is. I don't know at least I got this blog, huh?

A Little Quiz

2006-03-14T19:43:00.000-06:00

What is greater than God
More evil than the devil
The poor have it
The rich need it
And if you eat it you'll die

Ghetto

2006-03-13T01:25:00.000-06:00

It 's like I'm back in the projects. Since "The Hurricane" my apartment complex has become soooo Mudafuckin ghetto. At first it was mostly aesthetic. My building had a large glass- I guess foyer would be the right way to describe- in the front. Now this of course was blown in during the storm. Almost six months later the owners still haven't even attempted( from what I can see) to do anything about the gaping whole in the building.

It's not just about appearances anymore though. The area inside the foyer is carpeted so when it rains the carpet gets soaked> wet carpet> heat> smell. OMG that hallway really stinks like hot ass and garbage sometimes and I don't even want to think about the mold that's growing under that carpet. I'm sure if I called the health dept......Well they would have some words. That's not it though...People just throw there trash anywhere. The place is littered with beer bottles ang Faygo cans. My apartment is the first and actually only one at the top of the stairs inside the foyer. People like to chill on the steps like it's the stoop at big Momma's house( those of you from the hood know what I'm talking about) just loud and country. Usually I wouldn't care but their like Right in front of my door. Speaking of door..My door really wasn't made for all weather, so that bitch is warping. Lock don't want to turn sometime.

This weekend( Saturday night to be specific) BooBoo and I( or is it BooBoo and me...Ugh forget it) were chilling at my place, watching TV when we hear some chick screaming right in front front of my door " Let me go" " you don't fuckin touch me" "your gonna get in trouble". BooBoo being the nosy lil fella he is(n I call him Pearl-the old lady from 227) of course goes to the door trying to see what's going on. Eventually as the chick keeps screaming" Let go of me" I decide to see what the hell is going on. So I open my door...I see my neighbor( I call him The Mexican) at the the bottom of the stairs trying to pull this white chick up the stairs. She's holding on the the banister....In fact their big asses broke the banister. So I'm standing out here watching the scene along with some other people in the building wondering what the hell's going on. I don't know what the hell is going on and dude has like five of his cousins out there with him. I don't know if he hit ole girl or what but I'm getting the impression that this is more Whitney and Bobby than Ike and Tina. I called the cops because I didn't won't anything to happen to her and I want them to shut the hell up. So I guess the Mexican realized he won't be able to haul big girl back to the apartment and starts trying to talk to her. I guess it worked because they both went back into their apartment, but I immediately here them screaming at each other and things being knocked around. The cops show up like 30 minutes later( yeah I'm really in the hood now). I don't really know what happened after that but I distinctly over hear the cops talking about 'fighting over crack". WTF......Now I'm living next to crack heads!!! I swear if I wasn't already moving I would ....Move.
I mean I grew up in the hood, even lived in the projects for a few years( and when I say projects I mean straight out Good Times high-rise projects), but as a adult making a decent living I don't feel that I should have to tolerate this foolishness.

Anyway my weekend was pretty boring. These bitches had me working...They have me working next weekend too. I promise it'll be the last.

Just some thoughts

2006-03-10T04:01:00.000-06:00

So has anybody tried that KY warming gel? Yeah won't use that again........I was gonna share the story of my lubricant experimentation.....but, um naw. I mean I know some people who seem to like it but Whoa!!!! Too much, huh?

I drove up to see BooBoo yesterday to hang out since I won't get to see him this weekend....F&%ckin job changed the schedule at the last minute so I have to work this weekend. We actually ended up having a small and petty ass fight, but it's all good now. I also got to hang out with his roommate/best friends boyfriend, who I haven't seen in a long time. They are a Hot Ass Mess, cheating and understandably mistrusting of each other but won't give it up for some reason. I guess! Oh and there was the KY incident.

Gideon was voted off American Idol. Awwww. Back to the choir girl-LOL- Even though that boy( I can't remember his name) I call him Harry Potter made it to the top 12. I think he's this seasons John Stevens( that redhead kid from season 3).

ANTM looks to be somewhat interesting this season.

I really like that song Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. Oh and Neyo's album really is pretty good. If I ever figure out how to start my radioblog, I'll add some tracks. Since I'm on music. Anyone seen Ray J's new video. I mean he is looking good in those boxer briefs and it's good to see Ananda Lewis, but bruh really can't sing....at all.

Doesn't the Oscar winning song "It's Hard out Here For A Pimp" performed by the illustrious Rap group Three-six Mafia sound like something that was written for a Madd TV skit or something?

I need to go to bed now. Good Day........

Parents

2006-03-04T03:44:00.000-06:00

DAD:
For the past week my father has continued to call me and I have continued to ignore him...Until about 5 hours ago that is. Damn I wish I would have just blocked the number. As I said before my father has really not been a presence in my life since I was ...Maybe 9 or 10 years old. He moved to Los Angeles, we stayed in St. Louis, he acted like a single man with no responsibilities and learned to make it without him. There's a whole lot of back and forth, including a conversation when I was 14 and needed some serious help( Long story...He let me down) and I basically hated him for years after that. Back to the phone call. Now the only times in my life that my father expressed any real emotion to me were when he was drunk. My Father and mother were always happy drunks( I inherited that from them-LOL-). So he decided to call me tonight. I finally decided to answer the phone. Why? I can tell right away by his voice that dude is lit. He starts talking about how I can't answer the phone and talk to my "dad", how I need to stop hating him and how he didn't know thing were that bad with my mom growing up. Same old shit and I don't really feel like talking to him because he's drunk and I'm at work. So I proceed to tell him I don't hate him but I don't really like him either and half way through I realize that I'm wasting my free minutes:) because he's not even going to remember this conversation in the morning. I mean I don't hate this dude but I don't know him and I don't respect him as a man, so what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm over it. Really!!!

MOM:
I finally called my mom back after like three weeks. The reason I haven't talked to her in awhile is because I turned my home phone off, I started working nights, the nights I wasn't working were spent at BooBoo's, my cell wasn't working and she started tripping. For example:

Larry, I've been talking to some people. About you and our relationship. About the bad things I did to you. About how you have been a very good son to me in spite of the bullshit I put you through. About how today you don't have enough love or respect for me to even answer my calls, even though you have pertinent information that I really need from you.

I think that you hate me. I think that you blame me for all the things that go wrong in your life, I also think that Patrick doesn't want you to have a relationship with me, I could be wrong about that one and I hope so,. I think that you think that if I had been a better or different mother your life would be better.

there is nothing I can do about anything that occurred in the past. I can only try to be the best person I can be today. God bless you Larry because if you can never forgive me you will never be forgiven for any of your wrong doing. And yes we all have wrong doings in our life.

Now granted I could just called to straighten this MESS out, but you have to realize her jumping to conclusions and going off is very common for her and just didn't feel like dealing with it. This was around the time I dealing with Moving and BooBoo and I just didn't feel like dealing with it. Notice she even wants to blame him for me not talking to her when he's one of the people who pushed me to start talking to her again in the first place. Then I get this:

you must always strive to be the man that God put you here to be. I rebuke whatever enemy in your life that won't allow you to take calls from your family. I believe there is a evil force in your presence that wants you dead. Please pray to God and demand that he free you of all strongholds. I am not speaking about your choice of lifestyle. I will continue to pray that you be set free. In the name of Jesus, be gone from my son any and all evil spirits and strongholds. In Jesus name Larry be blessed

Now I'm evil or possessed or something. Ok.

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had atleast one sane parent. Thank god for Althea Burns(My Gram...I miss her), but as my brother pointed out to me "the experiences of our childhood made us the people we are today" which I guess is a good thing...Well, in my case anyway.

Hey It's Friday

2006-03-04T03:25:00.000-06:00

I need to stay off Wikipedia. I did a search for Dreamgirls( because it was a topic on a blog I read recently), from there I linked to the Supreme, click Diana Ross, click Motown, click Barry Gordy, click Jackson 5 and you know that led to like 10 other links. Like crack I tell you.

I'm sitting at this job again(arrrgh). I'm so happy I got tomorrow off and the three days after that. * Sidenote: this new airman....Why the hell is he sooo mudafuckin fine? Why does he have the sexist eyes ever? Why is he walking around with no shirt on?* Now if I caught him "doing somethings" in the bathroom, like those other knuckle heads........Just playing. I love you BooBoo( LadyNay said she doesn't like the new nickname, so he's back to BooBoo).
Speaking of that knucklehead. He's coming down this afternoon Yay. Should I be upset that he let his friend take pictures of him wearing nothing but very tight green underwear? Probably not...I'm not. Just happy he sent them to me and glad he's coming down this afternoon. He better bring those draws with him.

Randoms

2006-02-26T03:28:00.000-06:00

So everythings pretty much worked concerning my move to San Antonio. They want me out of the base by April 1st, but I'm allowed to take up to 30 days of leave before arriving at my new base. Luckily I have like 70 something odd days of leave. So I want have to be there until the end of April-early May. BooBoo( who will now be known as Giovanni....Long story) calmed the hell down when I told him that. That boy be trippin sometimes. The best part about me moving is I GET TO QUIT THIS DAMN JOB!! That shit can't happen soon enough. I already told the boss he's only got me for maybe two more weeks at the most. This better be the last damn weekend I got to work. This shit is for the birds.

I watched the Pink Panther tonight( yeah I got the boot leg). Why was that movie sooo boring? Why do people allow Beyonce to "Star" in there movies? I think it's just to get the gay boys to buy a ticket. That Heifer can not act. Just awful!!! I think she might be what keeps Dreamgirls from being a great movie....End my Beyonce rant. I also watched The Seat Filler with Kelly Rowland. It was a decent lil flick. Why was Duane Martin trying to play a 20 something when he knows he's about 38? Why his ass so phat( yeah I spelled it right)?Why Scary Spice in the movie? Just Random.

My father called me a couple days ago. I didn't answer because I didn't recognize the number( sad right) but he left a message talking about he was just calling to say hi. WTF!!!! I haven't talked to this man in about 7 months, which is a short amount of time for us to go about not communicating. I don't know I'm done with the trying to build bridges with him. I haven't talked to my mom in about 3 weeks. I should probably call her.

My cell phone has been broken for the past week. The techs at Verizon can't fix it. It's all good though because my contract is up on Thursday so I will not be spending a dime trying to get this thing fixed. It just feels weird not having a cell phone though. Feels like I'm leaving something everytime I leave the house.

I'm hoplessly addicted to Winkipedia.com and Youtube.com. I've been looking up useless information and watching never seen before clips of some good and bad performances all night. Somebody needs to stop me.

I can't wait for tomorrow night's episode of Flava of Love. It's funny because I never watched this show before last Sundays episode, but now I HAVE to watch. Now the sight of these somewhat atractive women tounge kissing Flav disturbs me to the bottom of my soul...for real I gotta turn away sometimes. It just seems wrong. Are these chicks gonna get a cash prize, a car, hell a month supply of something. I don't get it. They must be getting paid under the table or something. But yeah I got to watch....New York!!!!

I've been playing the Finale of Rent over and over again....hmmm...wonder why.

30 more minutes and I get to home.......goodnight.

SO MUCH

2006-02-19T03:43:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting at work right now, it's like a quarter to 4( 4am) that is. Did I mention I hate this job, 12 hour shifts, 3days on then 3 days off. That wouldn't be so bad except for the way theses days seem to fall. I'm working like the the next three weekends in a row. See, that's the time I'm supposed to be with my baby.

He decided to go out with his "girls" tonight and by girls I mean boys. BooBoo is not usually very feminine but when he gets around anyone of his three "girls" his ass Queens the fuck out. I don't get it. I told him that's like the unsexiest( that's not really a word, huh?) thing ever. Whatever, he already got me. On the other hand though, when he meets someone he doesn't know he voice drops like 8 octaves( that is kinda sexy). Weird!!! One of his "girls" is moving to Texas this week, so I hope they are having a good time.
Speaking of Texas. My orders finally dropped. Guess where I'm going....Damn if it isn't San Antonio. I soooo did not want to move back there. In fact there are two places I never really wanted to live Biloxi, MS and San Antonio, TX. There's probably a bunch of others places on that never wanted to live list but I just list those two for now.

*Update. I just told BooBoo about the orders and he reacted the way I knew that he would. He's hurt and overly dramatic. I mean I told him that I would be getting orders anyday. I guess he talked himself into believing that it wouldn't happen. Anyway, am I wrong really not feeling or wanting to deal with him getting all upset about it right now? I'm as hurt as he is thinking about leaving, but yeah I need some " we gonna make it work baby" or something right now. *

Chances are, it'll be atleast a couple of months before I leave still. I'm hoping for more time, but really not optimistic about it. I told him that I would do what I got to do for the few months until he graduates to make us work as a couple. He really didn't seem too optimistic about it. I mean if he's not willing to try...Well I can't do the shit by myself. For us to work as a couple he would have to pack up and leave his friends and family behind come July. I don't know if that's asking too much. I don't know, this could be the count down to the end. I've loved him from the first week I met het him and still love him more than two years later..So I'm praying. I wonder if I can get out of the Air Force...Short of coming out to the commander that is.......Lata.

What Up!!!

2006-02-13T03:28:00.000-06:00

I just finished watching this animated short on PBS. You know the one where the guys tring to get rid of the cat that just wouldn't go away and this song keeps playing:

That cat came back the very next day
The cat came back, he thought it was gonner
But the cat came back
It just wouldn't stay away

Rememeber. Nice little flash back. Yes, I AM a geek.

Awww man!!!! I'm finally on Blogger pecking out a post at like 0330. I've been crazy busy for the past two-three weeks. One of my best friends Jess came back into town and stayed with me for a couple of weeks. She just went home yesterday and I miss her already, she's the coolest chick ever I swear if I liked snatch I would of had to wife her like two years ago. We had a great time. I couldn't spend as much time as I wanted with her because the Air Force still insists that I work..
Since my last post I've had two more jobs. The first was helping clean out one the medical warehouses on base, which wasn't too bad. I only worked from 8-11am. The job I'm doing now is a buck-toothed bitch though. OK, well maybe not that bad. The job itself is pretty simple, babysitting problem Airman who are in the process of getting kicked out of the service. I'm attempting not to be a hard ass but these guys are trying me. Just tonight I caught two of them having sex in in the female bathroom. A mess!!!! What I really hate about it though is the schedule 1. It's a night job. 2. It's shift work(12 hours). I WILL be finding something else to do by next month. In the meantime I'm using the 8 hours a night I spend doing nothing to catch up on my blog reading. Hey everybody out there I missed you guys. Thanks for showing my blog some love.

PS. Have anybody seen this move "Waiting"? I swear it'll make you scared to eat out ever again.

Hey

2006-02-09T03:39:00.000-06:00

Ya'll miss me? I know you do, at least that's what I tell myself. I really haven't had time to post anything and that sucks too because I actually have too much going on in my life right now. One major thing is my suck ass new job. I hope to post something soon though. stay tuned......

The Weekend Post

2006-01-23T18:28:00.000-06:00

This weekend was definitely a mixed bag.

Friday: I drove up to Hattiesburg, MS to spend time with the Boo. I hadn't seen my baby all week, so I was definitely looking forward to it. We hadn't planned on doing anything because he'd worked a 12 hour shift that day but that was not meant to be. His neighbor and a bunch of his friends where going to Kareoki at some bar, couldn't miss that right...RIGHT.
Well I wasn't disappointed. I can't decide which was the best performance of the night. A trio of white guys trying to sing "Don't Leave" by Blackstreet and not knowing the words..... BooBoo and his cousin singing "Dontcha"........His intoxicated neighbor singing "Georgia" .......Drunk white girl falling off the stage......or me singing "I Will Always Love You"....Ok that didn't happen, but only because the DJ didn't have it. Good times.

Saturday: This is where the weekend hits a snag.. The day started off pretty good, woke up to a hot breakfast( Lawd he can't cook, but it's the thought that counts). Anyway, later on in the afternoon he decides to go to the gym. I'm like "cool". I would have gone with him but his gym wants $15 for non-members, so I decide to go to the bookstore seeing as there isn't one anywhere near my place.
So I'm getting ready, ironing my clothes. He asks me if I brought another outfit(we planned on going out to dinner and a movie later). I tell him no, why do I have to change to go to Chilli's and a movie later? He starts going off about how" he doesn't want me to be looking all wrinkled" sounding like a retarded mother. I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I do remember we started cracking on each other. That eventually led to us wrestling around like a couple of 12 year olds.

-------- Now while all this is going on I'm not tripping because this type of behavior isn't really out of the ordinary for us. We can both be a couple of big ass kids----------------------------

So after I put him in a headlock and make him say he's sorry, he decides he doesn't want to go to the gym anymore and goes to his room and gets on the phone. He seriously develops a stank ass attitude out of nowhere. I'm like I know he can't be serious , hell he started this shit. So this goes on for maybe two hours, him in his room, me on his couch. Eventually he comes out saying he's sorry, gives me some lame ass line about how he's stressed from work and school and feels like he needs some time alone. So, me being me, says "alright I'll leave" but he doesn't want that either. Again he goes on about school and work and he didn't mean to take it out on me and...blah,blah, blah.........

-----------He's the type of person that gets upset when things get hectic for him----------------

I seriously think my boyfriend needs medication OR he's reacting to the news that I'm probably going to move away because that came up when we were having our talk( like I said he gets upset when he gets, well...He gets upset). He kept asking me if I meant what I said about doing everything I can to make the long distance thing work. So...Yeah..wow....right!
Anywho. We went out to eat and saw Underworld 2, which was a decent enough movie. If you liked the first one you'll really like the sequel. Sunday was just boring.

Check This Out About The World We Live In!!!!

2006-01-16T18:12:00.000-06:00

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:

There would be:
57 Asians
21 WHITE PEOPLE
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south u knowEkimos and stuff
8 BLACK or Africans

52 would be female
48 would be male

70 would be non-white
30 would be white

70 would be non-Christian
30 would be CHRISTIAN

89 would be heterosexual
ONLY 11 would be homosexual

6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and ALL 6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death
1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer

Gotta Go, Gotta Leave

2006-01-11T21:52:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here listening to "Set Adrift On Memories Bliss" by P.M. Dawn( don't know if that's the right title but ya'll know the one I'm talkin about).I was just told that I will be getting orders, maybe as early as Febuary. I'm kind of happy about that because....Well I hate Mississippi. Never wanted to live here. Definitely didn't want to live here for five years. The only problem is I would have to leave my baby behind. I don't know how I'm supposed to do that. I'm about to tear up just thinking about it.
I would pack him up and bring him with me but he's in his last semester of school. So that's not going to work. Man this really sucks. We've talked about the possibility of this happening and what we would do, but never really came to a conclusion. Can we spend four maybe five months apart? Is he willing to pack up and leave his friends and family to be with me? I/we don't know. All I do know is that I don't have a choice in the matter. The government OWNS my black ass( for 23 more months atleast). What am I gonna do without my boo? Fuck!!!

In the Meantime I need to send them a list of my top five locations TONIGHT:

1. Andrwes AFB, MD. I've lived there before and I like the area, plus 1 of my best friends lives there now so I'd atleast have somewhere to stay until I find a place.
2. Scott AFB, IL. It's 15 minutes from St. Louis. Close to the family which could be a good thing and a bad thing.
3. Lackland AFB, TX. I hear the area is nice and they have a sleep lab( my chosen profession) in there Med Center.
4. Langley AFB, VA. Just cause.
5. Nellis AFB, NV. Vegas. Why not.

Despite everything I'm kind of excited about starting over in a new place. I just hope BooBoo and I can make it through this because not having him in my life will break my heart for real.

"I'll die without you" P.M. Dawn.

First Post of 2006

2006-01-09T22:50:00.000-06:00

Right now my life feels great. I feel like a came into 2006 with things pretty much in order. My boyfriend(check), family(check), my job(check), Finances(check).....

I wish that above statement were true, but sadly it's not well 1 out of four aint bad:

My boyfriend: Things are pretty smooth between us. We continue to occasionally have small conflicts but that's true for any couple that's been together for awhile. He has learned to talk to me about what's bothering him instead of assuming that I can read his mind and gotten over his trust issues. That's my one out of four by the way.

Family: More to the point my parents. My mom thinks I hate her because of this fight we had over money right before Christmas. She said " I hear such hate in your voice". I don't hate my mother. I love my mother. I've forgiven her for the things she's done in the past. She's come along way the last few years. She's been sober for almost four years now, found herself a job and she's doing well for herself. At the same time I don't really like her as a person. I mean she annoys the hell out of me. I feel like I'm raising a 46 yo woman sometimes, but I do need to try to be more respectful. I mean she is my mother.
I've been working on a post about my father for months now. Sometimes I hate him, sometimes I don't care, sometimes I don't know. Yeah complicated.

My Job: I've pretty much been off of work since Katrina blew through. Sounds great right?Except I work in a very technical field and I'm scared that by the time the base decides what it wants to do with the troops in my section I'll lose IT, the skills, the knowledge. Plus I was planning on taking three different certification tests this year. The good news is I get paid on the 1st and 15th regardless. Oh well, I guess I'll just enjoy the vacation for now.

Finances: I have a bad habit of dipping into my savings account for frivolous things like shoes and paying my moms/siblings bills. I'll hopefully be getting a raise this spring and I just paid off a personal loan so I'll be putting all of that cash into savings and leaving it alone. That's my one New Years resolution.

Thes are just some things that are on my mind and that I plan to work on/resolve in the coming months.

A Post

2006-01-02T20:00:00.000-06:00

I was going to post about my goals and hopes for 06 but I can't really concentrate on that right now so I jacked this from Teej's blog. her you go:

2005[P E O P L E]

1. Best friend/s? Thomas( my str8 BF), Jessica( my str8 knows that I'm gay BF), Jae( my gay BF)
2. Best boyfriend/girlfriend? Patrick "Jamal" Holmes
3. Lost any friends? Couple people I'm not cool with anymore.
4. Gained any friends? A few( some I've even met in the flesh)
5. Met a new good friend? One but he moved away like four months later.

[P L A C E S]

1. Went out of the country? Not this year, but I may see beautiful Iraq in 2006
2. How many times on an airplane? Um twice to vist the siblings in San Fransico
3. Road trips? Fa sho!!! drove to the A a couple times and New Orleans ...you know before....
4. Moved? Hell I wish, this apartment complex has gotten GHETTO. I'm resta go.

[Y O U]

1. Have you changed? For the better I hope. Gotten a little wiser
2. New look? Put on some wait, trust me it's a good thing. You skinny Brothas know what I'm talking about.
3. Any new addictions? Strawberry and Cream Fraps from Starbucks and Gay Brazillion porn.
4. Biggest conflict this year? trying to get my boyfriend to really trust me.
5. Most depressed time this year? When I thought I was gonna have to end it because of the conflict above.

[L O V E]

1. Did you fall in love? All over again
2. Did you get heartbroken? That's so 2004
3. Who was your summer love? Patrick "Jamal" Holmes aka BooBoo
4. How many boyfriends/girlfriends this year? Just the one.
5. Favorite date? Seeing Rent with BooBoo and listening to him either snoring, texting folks, or whispering "shit" everytime a new song started.

[S E A S O N S]

1. Favorite Season? Usually Fall, but it was so hot in September and October that I'm going to say Winter this year.
2. Least favorite season? Summer..What? It's not like I get 3 months off anymore and plus I live in Hell( that's what it feels like anyway)
3. Good birthday? That hoe Katrina F*&ked my birthday up. I feel bad for my baby cause she actually hit on his.
4. Any snow this year? Not in Hell
5. Highest temperature? Like 104. Fortunately it was during a almost statewide blackout

[F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S]

1. Snuck out? From who? I'm grown.
2. Met someone who will change ur life? Nope
3. Kept your resolution? I don't even remember what they were. guess that's a no, huh?
4. Got arrested? Hell no.
5. Had a first something? I'm sure
6. Drank Alcohol? Yeah Boooy
7. Smoked weed/drugs? Don't do drugs
8. Did anything illegal? I might have bought a couple bootlegs.
9. Kissed a boy/girl? both actually
10. Had a crush? Naw.
11. Liked someone who didn't like you? Disliked a couple who liked me
12. Lost a family member? Nope
13. Got bad grades? I didn't take any classes this year.
14. Got suspended? Um NO
15. Moved states? No again... I wish.
16. Got a myspace? Naw...but I am starting a yahoo 360 page
17. Learned an instrument? I think I can still play a little trumpet.
18. Started a band? yep..Larry and the Pussycats
19. Spent over 1 million dollars? Shiiiiiiiiiiiiittt
20. Went streaking? Not intentionally.
21. Done something you shouldn't have? Probably
22. Kept a secret? Yes
23. Told a secret? I told my sister I was gay.
24. Done something you totally regret? just one thing
25. Changed your view on things? On a couple things.

Christmas Is Over.

2005-12-29T19:49:00.000-06:00

Sitting here watching some direct to DVD, took $200 to make, shot with a home video "black" movie. I swear a Tyler Perry play has more cinematic value. Speaking of Tyler, did ya''ll know his second movie will be released in Febuary. I didn't really care for most of the last one. I'll probably catch this one in the theater though just cause, plus it's got Jennifer Lewis in it.

Sidenote* They having a party scene in htis movie. Dancing without a lick of music. WTF*

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I had a pretty good one for me anyway. None of my family bothered to even drop a card in the mail, even though I made sure all of them were taken care of.

OMG. The sound just completely dropped out of this move. No this is not a bootleg. Damn shame.

Anyway, back to the fam. Nevermind man it's all good I aint mad. My baby did hook me up though. I got a fresh pair of Ones and some jeans and a hoodie from American Eagle. He got a pair of diamond studs and a IPOD shuffle. All in all I'm kind of glad the holidays are over.

Oooh. Purple Rain about to come on. Yet another movie with bad acting and great music. My favorite part of is of course the ending when The Purple One performs the title song. That has got to be one of my top five favorite songs EVER. I'm talking bout the 9 minute version. In fact I'm going to buy the soundtrack on ITUNES right now.

Did I mention that Christmas Day was also my first anniversary? My baby and I have been together for a full year. It's been good, bad and everything in between but I wouldn't change a minute of it. I love you Boo. I can't imagine my life without you. XO

Christmas Eve

2005-12-24T15:40:00.000-06:00

Wassup fellow bloggers,

So I just finished wrapping my last minute gifts. Got a ass load of DVD's from Blockbuster. I'm cooking myself some Turkey and Dressing...so, I'm all set for Christmas. BooBoo come over tomorrow night to exchang gifts.

I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I hope you all spend it in a way that makes you happy.

LJ

"Look At Me"

2005-12-20T23:40:00.000-06:00

After reading NO4REALs latest post I decided to check out Jackie's Back staring Jennifer Lewis. She killed that shit. " Look at Me" is my shit and "Yield"....WHAT!!!.
Seems like all I've been doing lately is going to the gym and watching movies. I've seen like every new release this month and some old ones too. Has anyone seen a movie named "Camp". It's kinda like Fame or Grease for a new generation(musical) set at summer camp for the performing arts. Some of the acting is ...well bad, but overall it's a cute film. There's this one song close to the end "Here's Who I Am" that's just great. I think I'm going to make the soundtrack one of my Christmas presents to myself.
Speaking of Christmas I completely broke my $40 dollar per gift limit, but even I always knew that I would. No one else is going to buy my siblings anything really, not even our/their parents. So what the hell it's just money. I most likely wont be getting anything from any of them but it's all about giving right. My boyfriend has been trying to guilt me into going home with him for Christmas but I'm just not feeling that this year. I spent last X-mas and Thanksgiving with his people. I would just rather do my own thing. I'm thinking about volunteering to help feed some folks or something.

In other news:
Went to see King Kong. Great movie ....Long but great movie. Once they finally get to the freaking island(scariest native people ever) you're hooked and once you finally see the friqqing monkey..OMG......All I can say is giant ape fight not one ...Not two..But three Tyrannosaurus' while holding a dumb white lady with his foot...WOW.
weren't the last two episodes of The Boondocks the best so far. I mean homothugs in one and then we get Riley trying to assassinate Santa. Off the chain.
I know I'm a big ass geek for this. I finally saw the Xmen 3 trailer and that minute and a half got me soooo damn hype.

The most wonderful time of the year

2005-12-14T20:07:00.000-06:00

So, I've pretty much decided to cancel Christmas this year. Well, for myself anyway. I was going to go home to St. Louis but my mom has me considering hiring a hitman. I don't like her right now. ...I just don't. So that's off. I thought about flying out to visit my younger brother and sister in Berkeley. They decided to visit our father in L.A. for the holidays and I would rather have ass and nut cancer. I really don't like him....Ever. So it's just gonna be me watching holiday movies and eating Turkey cutlets, which is cool with me. I'm really not upset about it. I'm cool. I have to make my BF understand that I don't really feel like celebrating this year. HE WILL NOT UNDERSTAND!!!! Maybe I'll get over it and decide to go home with him but I doubt it. Bah mudafukkin Humbug!!!!
In other news....I'm on leave until the January 3 and have absolutely nothing to do with myself. No traveling. No visiting. Although I do get to catch up on what's been happening on General Hospital( turns out the baby may not be Jax's after all) and getting lots of sleep. I have been watching a lot of movies lately. I went to see Rent a second time. It was better without someone snoring next to me this time. The chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe was very uneven. I didn't really get interesting to me until the end and some of the CGI was just bad. Was the lion supposed to be Jesus? I didn't get it. I rented 40 Year Old Virgin today. Why was this movie so damn funny? For real that shit was hilarious. I'm gonna try to see King Kong this weekend.

I wish I would have bought a X-box 360. Not because I want one but because there are a bunch of people out there willing to pay as much as $1500 for one instead of simply waiting a few weeks and getting one for 3-4 hundred dollars.

Oh what a Christmas to have the Blues........

2005-12-06T13:17:00.000-06:00

Listening to "Every Year, Every Christmas" Luther Vandross.

Although it's not unusual for me to not feel much Christmas cheer, I'm a little ...Frustrated would be the correct word. I want to get that "feeling" this year. It's been a minute but I remember that happy..euphoric.... Christmas spirit thing. Maybe it's because I'm all grown up now or because I decided not to go home this year or the almost complete lack of X-mas decorations around the city...Who know. Am I the only one?
Did I mention that Christmas Day will be our( BooBoo and yours truly) 1st anniversary? Too bad we want be able to spend it together. He would not be able to enjoy his Christmas away from his family, especially his mom and grandma, so I gave up trying to get him to come home with me. I don't think I'm going to visit my mother this year. I told that heifer that I'm placing a $50 limit on gifts this year and she had the nerve to get indignant about it. Asked me if I thought that was appropriate for my mother. Keep in mind I have 5 siblings( not to mention friends) and I send her money all through out the year to include just last week. She's a trip but I'm not going to deal with her right now. I think I'm going to try to go and visit my brother and sister in Cali if I can find a reasonably priced ticket. Woosah.

I finally got to see Rent. Overall I enjoyed the movie. Loved most of the big musical numbers. I didn't Know that they would break out in song every 2.8 minutes, but still enjoyed it alot. I bought the soundtrack. BooBoo on the other hand hated it, but I knew that he would. Just not his thing.

Stolen

2005-12-02T16:53:00.000-06:00

Stolen from Unconquerable Soul

FIRSTS
First job: Babysitting 9 yo boys At Mathew Dickeys Boys Club summer day camp @ 14y/o. Never again
First screen name: Red_boi. Self explanatory
First funeral: My mothers father when I was 8. I just remembering wondering why he was wearing so much makeup.
First pet: Never had one.
First piercing: None. Can't stand needles.
First tattoo: My one and only. A cross on left shoulder.
First credit card: A student Visa my first year of college. My mom stole it before I knew it was there. I didn't find out about that til three years later when I was trying to buy my first car.
First kiss: I kissed some little girl when I was 13. I kissed a boy named Tyler when I was 21.
First enemy: low self esteem and depression. Everyone loves me.

LASTS
Last car ride: Visited my best friend in Valdosta, GA in Sept. I neeed to call him.
Last kiss: Last Sunday. Guess who?
Last movie watched: At the theater. The last Harry Potter movie.
Last beverage drank: Water a minute ago.
Last phone call: BooBoo called about an hour ago.
Last time showered: Last night..It's about that time though.
Last CD played: "Lyfe" Lyfe Jennings.
Last website visited: aintitcool.com

NOW
Single or taken: Taken
Gender: Man
Birthday: Sept. 17,
Sign: Virgo
Siblings: Three younger brothers and two younger sisters
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown
Wearing: Nike Basketball shorts and ankle socks.
Drinking: Orange juice and fruit punch.
Thinking about: Vacuuming, It needs to be done.
Listening to: "Iceberg" Tweet.

Randomness

2005-12-01T15:06:00.000-06:00

Here I am. At work again. Not even attempting to try to look busy. Thank god I'm off tomorrow, getting up at 6am is killing me....Well not killing me but making me less than happy. The fact that my heater is broken doesn't help any. I swear my apartment feels like a refrigerator every morning.

I still haven't seen Rent yet. Booboo might go with me this weekend just to make me happy. I don't think it will be his type of flick, but you never know.

I haven't started my X-Mas shopping yet. I think I'm going to just put gift cards or cash inside of Christmas Cards this year for everyone except for Booboo and my godson. I'm getting him a pair of diamond studs and a IPOD shuffle. The godson will get some toy or something.
My mom thought I was playing when I told her that her gift has a $50 limit this year. Seeing is believing.

Speaking of mom. I'm thinking of trying to head home to St. Louis for Christmas this year. Depends on how she acts.

I'm attempting to give up masturbation for awhile just to see if I can. I know that is way too much information.(sorry)

I haven't returned any phone calls this week. Does that make me a bad person?

I decided that I'm done with the military for a lot of different reasons. Done ....Ready to go.....Can't wait until 2008(sigh).

2005-11-29T10:39:00.000-06:00

Well, How was every ones Thanksgiving? Mine was pretty good I hung with BooBoo and his family for the day. We had fun( his older brother's a trip), ate way too much. Personally I'm not really big on the holidays anymore. I could just as well have cooked for myself and chilled at the house, but apparently OTHER people don't like that so......

I think I'm going try to go home to St. Louis or visit my younger brother and sister in Cali this Christmas. BooBoo and his family invited me back for Christmas. Seeing as the 25th will be our 1st anniversary I considered it but I have not seen my family in awhile. Yeah, I'm going home. Speaking of Christmas. Has ever one finished there X-mas shopping? I haven't even yet. I've imposed a $40 limit per gift for everyone on my gift list except BB. Man. I've gone broke for these leeches in past years. Not this year. No sir!!!

I'm back at work now after an almost 3 month vacation. SUCKS!!!! Since the hospital is still closed I'm working in one Training group offices. This shit is awful. I literally sit around playing on the computer or reading from 7-5 everyday. The Air Force decided I need to be something so I'm doing something. I feel bad because I'm not trained to do this job and don't plan on really attempting to learn how. What are they gonna do fire me? So all I can really do is answer the phone and hand it to someone else. However since I'm the highest ranking in this office I guess I'm supposed to be somewhat in charge. That's where they are wrong I'm just here helping out where I can. I have no plans to take any kind of responsibility for this office or anyone in it. About to make me have a "nigga moment". Evey one watching The Boondocks?

The Boondocks

2005-11-10T23:16:00.000-06:00

Has everyone seen the first episode of The Boondocks?

I thought it was pretty decent. I think grandpa was the star and funniest character last episode. I also don't like the voices of Huey or Riley. They sound like little girls in fact I think that Regina King is voicing one of them.

2005-11-10T22:23:00.000-06:00

I am so tired of people looking to me to solve their problems for them. I'm done!!!! Everytime someone has a problem. Call Larry !!! Jeez!!!

I just got off the phone with my mom. Her car was stolen outside of her Church. Sad right? She has my sympathy. I know she needs to drive like a hour to get to her job( by the way she got a job, I'm proud) and now that's going to take even longer on the bus...... In the winter. I feel for her...Until she asks to "borrow" money for a down payment on a new car( did I mention she has no insurance). Now I know what borrow means in my family....Give. I tell her I don't have that kind of money. She goes into how she's going to lose her job and end up on the street....blah, blah and other things to try to guilt me into doing something I can't afford to do.

My younger brother doesn't renew his license/ buy tags six months ago like he was supposed to, at least this is story he told me. Anywho. His car gets towed and he needs to write a $700 check to get it out of impound. The only problem is....HE DOESN'T HAVE $700. So of course he calls me. I told him he was shit out of luck and got off the phone. He's 24 years old he should know better.

There are a few more examples but I think you get the picture. Ugh!!

2005-11-02T17:11:00.000-06:00

This just in "I'm still mad at BET". That's all.

I want to watch Noah's Arc soooo bad. I seriously doubt any cable networks in southern Mississippi will be providing LOGO anytime soon. We don't even have UPN.

BooBoo was supposed to come down and spend the day with me, but something came up at the last minute. Sigh. I'm heading up to his place tomorrow. We're supposed to be going to his old high Schools homecoming. "that's Awesome" what I said , not how I feel. His mom invited me to church on Sunday. While I'm tempted to say thanks but no thanks I think I'll go. It has been a minute since I've been in anyone's church. I'm just happy to have some plans. I'll let ya'll know how it went.

It's BET

2005-11-01T23:53:00.000-06:00

So, I just finished watching the big BET 25th Anniversary Show. Um....Yeah. OK. I didn't really get it. It was supposed to be a tribute to BET but often didn't seem to be about BET at all. It was more like a 25 year tribute to black folk. That's pretty much the best way I can put it. There were a few decent musical performances:

New Edition pulled off a very energetic if vocally off performance. Bobby ...Um...Was Bobby.

LL while looking good seemed a bit dated. He licked his lips a lot though. Probably should have lost the shirt.

John Legend covered the Luther tribute singing "A House is Not a Home". It was decent I mean he's know Luther but it was cute or whatever. He really should see a orthodontist if he's going to continue to sing with his mouth all open like that.

Nelly performed something or other. I wasn't really paying attention. At least his naked upper body kept my attention away from Paul Wall. I really don't like Paul Wall.

R. Kelly as usual was very lively. I really wish he would have chosen to perform two or three songs instead performing one or two lines from half his catalogue.

Alicia Keyes performed Unbreakable. I'm beginning to really like that song. "We can fight like Ike and Tina".

Why they didn't have artist performing some hits from back in the day or anything I don't know. It' BET.

HI

2005-10-30T21:28:00.000-06:00

Hey! What Up everybody!!!!! OK so I know it's been a minute. My internet connections have been up and down since Katrina blew her stank ass through town but I've been keeping up with my blog friends whenever I got the chance. Shout outs to ShawnQT glad you're back. 4REAL...Get better man. Mr Franklin...kinda messy aren't you. Tim, That Dude and Valentino.

So I've been on administrative leave for the last two months. On paper it sounds great, two months of paid leave but I am bored as hell. I'm considering getting a part-time job just to help me kill time. Maybe working at blockbuster or a book store or something. I don't know. I'd probably get tired of working after a week and just quit anyway. I feel like such a lazy ass Negro. That's probably because I spend the majority of my days sitting in my underwear watching TV.

All of my friends have gotten orders to other places. So, now I don't have any friends( well friends in town anyway). I'm so sad:(

Anyway. I'm out I'm going to try to blog on the regular from now on. I'll holla.

Hey

2005-10-06T14:46:00.000-05:00

Once again I'm back. I feel like I should say sorry for being not posting in a minute. I have well, I'm not going to lie I just have not felt like it. Video games, books and television has been filling my days for the past couple of weeks and I just found out I'll probably be sitting around for another month with nothing to do. So that's the reason. Forgive me? Good. I love you too!!!!

I spent the last 5 days in Valdosta, GA visiting my best friends Thomas and Shamika. Spent three of those days playing with their son, my godson Jaylon. I call him trouble. Aint he cute? White people think he's mine when we're together just cause I'm lighter than his father and we all look alike to them anyway.

Dude so it's day 438 after katrina( feels like anyway) . The powers that be have not decided whether they want to keep me here or assign me somewhere else. But they have decided they will take atleast another month to decide *sigh*.

I decided to tell my younger sister that I was gay. You know what her response was? "I know". What kind a shit is that. How did she just know you ask well apparently when I was in Cali for my brothers college graduation she flipped through the photos on my digital cam. There were some pics of me and the boyfriend( nothing XXX) just comfy pics that friends took. So I guess she figured it out and just didn't say anything. Now I'm wondering who else flipped through my cam.

She did say "You're still my brother and I love you". So that's good. She did say she did not want to be around when I told my younger brother. I'll handle that when the time is right.

Big shout out to my blog friends. Ya'll know who you are. Til next time

2005-09-21T17:20:00.000-05:00

What up bloggers,

Nothing Atall is going on in my world right now. This is week 4 of my unfortunate paid vacation and I'll be off for at least two more weeks. I know that sounds great and everything.......

BUT I AM BORED OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND!!!!!!!

There's not much in the way of entertainment here now. Thank god my cables on. I was supposed to head up to Maryland but unfortunately I had to pay mt moms rent. I know right!!! I will be heading to Valdosta, GA next week to visit my best friend and the fam. I hear Valdosta does not have much in the way of entertainment either, but at least I'll be getting away from here for awhile.

Thank you guys for the birthday greetings. There's a lot of it I don't remember. Last Friday I headed up to BooBoos. We went out to this New Orleans style restaurant with Boos roommate and a couple of friends. The food wasn't that great, but the drinks were great. We were drunk ya'll. After dinner we headed back to Booboos place where I was surprised to find some friends, a birthday cake and a pitcher os Hunch Punch( good stuff). It was a chill little surprise party. I didn't do much on my actual birthday. We were going to go out but MSU was having a home game that night so the city, that was already packed with refugees from NO and the coast, was crazy. We just hung out mostly, went to the mall, got BooBoos ears pierced, had lunch with friends. Like I said it was a real chill weekend.

PS. The pic is me after the party. Told ya'll I was drunk. Don't know where the bunny came from.

Just Got Paid, Friday Night.

2005-09-16T17:43:00.000-05:00

Well I'm off to celebrate my birthday. Not really sure what I'm going to be doing, friends have some plans for me. I'll let you guys know.
LJ

2005-09-15T20:17:00.000-05:00

To 4REAL,
Naw man. That wasn't too much and you weren't too far in my bushiness. I appreciate the concern. Believe it or not I asked myself those same questions concerning my relationship a little while ago. Whether or not I was staying with him out of loneliness or guilt. Truth is I love his worrisome ass plain and simple. Yeah we fight, but I want him, I love him, I need him. He's my other half. I know that's corny but...... There you go. The fight was over some bullshit and I think one of his bitter bitch of a friend was trying to start some shit. But we've moved on. Aint we special?

On to better news. Apple is going to replace my stolen IPOD. Yes!!!! I got a I-P-O-D. And I didn't have to pay for it. Speaking of music. Has anyone heard Kanye West new CD? We're like two weeks behind on new music and movies down here. Maybe I'll just wait and download it on my IPOD. hehe. I'll stop now.

PS. That's a pic of the front of my apartment building. The yellow door on the second floor is my place. Blessed!

My Mind

2005-09-13T19:08:00.000-05:00

Wassup ya'll!!!! I want to thank you guys one more gain for the prayers and the love. I'm back home for now cause I got tired of just sitting around BooBoo's place while he was at class or work.....I'm SO BORED BY MYSELF!!!!

I'm really having a serious issue concentrating today. I just can't. I feel like I have ADD or something.

I've been driving around today looking at the damage around the area...One word.....DAMN. My camera's not working so I can't take pictures.

My apartment stinks. It's my fridge. I cant get the odor out. I've drenched that bitch in Bleach and Pine Sol. Now instead of it smelling literally like shit it just smells like vomit. They are supposed get me a new one tomorrow.

BooBoo and I are fighting again. I'm done with the drama. I told him to call me when he gets his mind right. That was last night haven't heard from him all day.

My birthday is this Saturday. If I don't make up with my boyfriend I probably won't do anything. Oh well.

My younger brother bought me a IPOD for my birthday. The retarded Fed- EX guy decided to leave it at my door... So no IPOD. boooo

My fathers birthday is tomorrow I wonder if I should call him. He has not called me though. I wonder if he cares if I'm dead or alive.

I just found out my base suffered $500 million in damage and will be closed for at least 6 months. What that means for me..I don't know. Maybe I'll be leaving MS soon.

My friend Jessica wants me to visit her in MD next week. I'm seriously considering it.

I seriously think I might be depressed again * notice I said again* I'm just numb right now. hmmm weird.
To Jamal. I'm sorry to hear about the family you lost man. Damn!

That's all I can think of at the moment.

Oh I've missed you guys. Love yah.

Here I is

2005-09-11T16:41:00.000-05:00

I repeat. I HATE HURRICANES!!!! Wassup ya'll after two weks I finally got a chance to get online. I'm still staying with friends because Biloxi is a mess. Thankfully my place and everyone I know made it through with injury or too much damage to there homes. I just wnat to say thank you guys for your prayers. t trully believe they worked for me. Once I find my digital camara and show you guys some pics you'll know what I'm talking about. The friends I'm staying with don't have internet access. Hopefully I'll be home this week sometime and I'll tell you guys all about my week without running water and electricity. GOOD STUFF!!!!.

PS. This is how blessed I am I live two blocks from the Gulf of Mexico. One block from a mall that has beeen completly gutted. Across the street from a shopping center that's missing it's roof. I'm sitting in my place with no damage in fact my cable's up. Prayer Works.

To my Kindred Brother. Can't wait to catch up on what's been going on with you:)

hurricanes!!!!!!

2005-08-28T08:18:00.000-05:00

Well....Kristina is about to come through and show her ass. Just straight up act a fool. Got to go. Got to leave. I'll holla afterwards.....hopefully.

Sometime you do Crazy things......

2005-08-25T11:15:00.000-05:00

I quit my job today. Well, not really, I accepted a different position in the hospital though. I’m still wondering if I did the right thing. I mean, sure the new job requires me to work sometimes long and unpredictable hours without increased financial compensation. I will acquire a skill that will hopefully enable me to earn a high five figure income in about 3 years. Why three years? That’s when I get my freedom papers from the US Air Force.
I DO sometimes ask myself, “What was I thinking when I signed those papers?”…..and then I remember. My Main motivation for joining was simple really. I had to get away from home…I Had To before someone got hurt. I was a year out of high school trying to go to school full-time and work two jobs. I would get up in the morning, head to class, go straight from there to my day job stocking shelves at the grocery store, head home for like to hours to check on the siblings, see if mom came home today and then head out to my night job loading trucks for UPS until midnight sometimes, then getting up and doing it all over again the next day.
My grandmother, who always held me down, had just passed. I was working myself to death to take care of her house, myself and my younger siblings. While dealing with my chemical dependant mother, who was pretty good at stealing from me. After a year I was gone…mentally. I was like a zombie.
One day I came home from school, one of the rare afternoons I wasn’t working. I got a phone call from a collection agency, asking me why I have not paid my Visa bill. Hold up!!!! Stop!!!! Wait a minute!!!! I don’t have a credit card!!!! What are you talking about? Then I remember that I DID apply for a student Visa and I know exactly what happened. This B*&^ done activated my credit card and ran up a $800 bill, like six months ago and she sure as hell didn’t use it for bills or groceries. I was done. Seeing red. She is so lucky she wasn’t in the house that afternoon because I might have caught a case. We did have….um some physical activity later on that day though. She says she doesn’t remember a lot about those days, but she remembers me throwing that milk crate at her head..LOL.

Anyway that’s when I decided I had to get the hell away. I didn’t want to leave my little sisters and brother behind, but I had to take care of myself before I could take care of them. I was for real losing my mind. There was one incident involving a bottle of over the counter sleeping pills. Like I said I had to go. However I didn’t really have anywhere to go. I could have got a place of my own, but that wasn’t really away. I could have tried to stay with my dad in Cali, but I really hated his ass at that point. About a week after the whole credit card issue a friend of mine from work tells me he’s joining the Air Force. He’s going on and on about the pay and benefits and college tuition. Now, I never saw myself being in the military. I mean, I was this loner who got kicked out of military school when I was 14. Desperate times though. So, I left one day for basic with the clothes I had on, a change of underwear and enough money for lunch and bus fare.
Fast forward almost seven years and I’m over my military experience. I’m just counting the days now. I’ve had great experiences and bad experiences. Seen some beautiful parts of the world (Germany, Italy, and Saudi Arabia) and seen some stinky parts of the world (Afghanistan, Pakistan). Don’t even get me started on “Don’t ask, Don’t tell”. It’s time to go.

The Weekend In Review

2005-08-22T18:10:00.000-05:00

Wassup friends. I know I haven't posted in a minute. The kid has been tired....Well, OK Lazy. At least I'm being honest..LOL

The weekend was cool despite the fact that I was tired for most of it. I think after awhile my body just didn't care anymore:

Friday: After working all day( got up at 5:45am). I headed up north to spend some time with Booboo. I thought we would just hang out, get something to eat, watch a movie..Like I said a brotha was tired. But naaaww.... His roommate calls and invites us to Baton Rouge to hang out with him and his boyfriend. Usually I wouldn't mind, but like I said I was tired, Baton Rouge is like a 2 hour drive, gas is like $2.50 a gallon and I'm tired. I look at Boo...He's all excited and despite the fact he's telling me, "It's whatever you want to do baby" I know he really wants to go. So, I'm like fine but you're driving
Once we get up there it's like damn near eleven and these mofos talkin bout going out. MAN!!!! Grab the ears " Wooosah", it's all good. We get dressed and head out to this little gay club.....Correction bar. Ya'll it was the saddest little bar I'd ever been to. I guess we'd just missed the drag show b/c there were about five boys walking around in full make-up and wigs but wearing jeans and T-shirts. I swear one looked like she was auditioning for Thundercats the Movie or something. That shit was thick. The music was wack and there were only like 14 people there, but the drinks were two-for-one. So, the four of us cracked up talking to the 40 y/o white chick poppin IT next to us, watching the thug ass girls grind in the corner, and laughing at the queens jet-setting on the floor. They closed the place down at 1:30 and by closed it down I mean just killed the power mid song. I'm like WTF!!!The south man...The south. Willy(the roommates boyfriend) decides to give us a night time tour of the city, which was cool,except for the fact that I was kind of tired. We ended up on the waterfont and getting into a talk about the deaths of family members and how we coped with them. I know right!!!!
Finally make it back to willies place at like 3am. Finally get to lay it down. Finally get to pass out.........For like three hours. We have to get back to Booboos place by 9 so that his sister can pick up some furniture or something. Ugh. I love him. I love him. I love him. Woosah.

Saturday: Slept. Slept hard. Slept all day. Til Like 5pm. Got up. Ate Taco hell. Watched TV. Did IT. Went to sleep.

Sunday: Drove home. Still did nothing for most of the day and I was alright with that. Around 8pm The Ex calls me. Now, I have not talked to this dude on over a month. For good reason. I recently found out from a mutual friend that he'd been with at least 3 other people while we were together. Honestly, I wasn't really surprised. I'd been out of the country for three of the ten months we were together after all. It still kinda hurt getting confirmation, though. I mean I'm sooo over him and us and all of that. I just sucks to know that someone you cared so much about and still considered a GOOD friend had been playing you. I played it cool though, decided I was not going to confront him about it cause the shit IS over. I think he could hear a little ice in my voice though cause he hung up kind of quick. I'm cool though....Shit is done for real.

That's my weekend in a nut shell. Hope everyone out in the Blog world is doing better than OK.

Update

2005-08-15T22:21:00.000-05:00

Previous post was b4 our last conversation( Boo and I). Things are going well. We're moving on....together. That's him in the picture.

Pleasure and Pain

2005-08-15T19:13:00.000-05:00

To You,
Damn, It's been hard lately, huh? All the fighting, the bickering over little shit, the long silences. I don't know which was worse.
I've been trying to be patient and understanding. I felt like I owed you that. After all, you gave me.... Correction... You gave us another chance after I told you I just wanted to be friends and I thank you for that. I know you don't think that I do, but I DO know how much that hurt you. I know it hurt even more when you found out I'd started something with someone else so soon after all that went down.
Still, we continued to communicate on a almost daily basis. In fact, you became one of best friends. I remember talking to you until midnight about....My family, jobs, school, that dude were seeing(ugh). I remember talking to you the night before I left the country last summer. You said that you loved me and would be there for me no matter what. Do you know how often I laid in my bunk and thought of your face, that big smile that seems to perminately stuck there? You should I told you plenty of times. When I got back I didn't let you know right away. I don't know why. I really don't have an answer for that, but I remember seeing you for the first time in six months. I remember the butterflies, the hug and the smile. I still crack a smile when I think of x-mas night.... Lounging on your futon. You asked, "so are we official again"? I said, "fa Sho".
Fast forward 7 months and some odd days. Things are getting rough. After what happened Saturday night, I'm asking myself if love is enough to keep us together. I'm tired of fighting. I love you and the thought of you not being mine breaks my heart. The only thing that I know for sure is that we need to move on. The question is should we do together or ......... I don't even want to say it.

Only time will tell

2005-08-09T15:40:00.000-05:00

I’m sooo not in the mood to be at work right now. I’m sure I’m not the only one though. Well I was going to post about my weekend but I realized that shit was so boring it would put ME to sleep. That’s what I wanted though, a quiet couple of days at the house. Next weekend I have to host BooBoo, his roommate and roommate’s boyfriend at my place. They want to come down to the coast and go clubbing.
I know ya’ll are like, “They have clubs in MS?” Well Biloxi has 8 or 9 casinos. When I say casinos I don’t mean “The Boat”. I’m talking about large Vegas like casinos with 3-4 star hotels, restaurants, high end shopping and clubs. There a new hot spot, Club Z that just opened that they are all excited about.

Speaking of BooBoo. Ya’ll I for real thought the shit was over yesterday. It’s like we where sitting there waiting for the other to just say the words. Long story short he feels like he can’t trust me. I know this all goes back to reason we broke up the 1st time around but I’m like I have not done anything that would make him suspicious of me or anything I’m doing. So, I basically said if you can’t trust me what the hell you doing with me (not that nicely, though). Turns out one of his friends hit me up on yahoo messenger saying they were visiting the coast and was looking for a hook-up or whatever. I have no idea how said friend got my YIM ID but this shit is sounding more and more like some kind of set-up the more I think about it. I’m not tripping though because I told this dude I was involved and No I don’t want to meet him. Apparently he somehow mentioned to BooBoo that he’d talk to a dude whose ID was darnel16 and that we’d talked about meeting or whatever.
So, he presents this information to me, mad as hell, telling me I’m being sneaky and something is going on. All I said was call dude right now and we’ll get this shit straightened out quick, fast and in a mothaphuckin hurry. He tells me, no he’s not calling anyone. We argue back and forth about that and then I remember that Yahoo archives chat transcripts (I love YIM). I bring that shit up and he softens after that and wants to talk.
Which brings me back to asking him why he’s with me if I am the lying, cheating hoe that he obviously thinks that I am? Again, I realize a lot of this has to do with a past indiscretion on my part. That is the only reason I’m trying to be so patient through all these changes he’s taking me through. So we talked and I told him, despite what happened in the past I would never jeopardize what we have and that he needs to let that go or I’m scared we won’t make it. He said he understands and that he’s trying.

I know I talk about the negatives in our relationship a lot, but for real BooBoo is the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. He makes me happy when I am sad…LOL. I mean I can look in his eyes and see that he loves me. I hope he can do the same because I honestly believe he is that ONE that you get in a lifetime. I’ll always regret hurting him the way I did but he decided to give us another chance. I was just happy that he continued to be my friend after we broke up. Only time will tell.

I said I was NOT going to blog about this but I’m done now:)

Tagged

2005-08-07T18:43:00.000-05:00

So I've been tagged by PHILLY BRED. Here are the the 10 songs I'm bumping right now per the rules:

The rules:List ten songs that you are currently digging it does'nt matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they are no good, but they must be songs you are really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they are listening to.

1. "Touch"Omarion. The beat is just tight. I know I'm not the only one who pauses everytime they say "touch".
2. "Must Be Nice" Lyfe Jennings
3. "Weak" SWV. Just cause I never get tired of this song
4. "Charlie, last name Wilson" Charlie Wilson. This is the funniest song ever. substitutetitue your name for his. Hilarious!!! Or maybe I'm just easily amused.
5. "Holla Back Girl" Gwen Stephanie. Ya'll know why. bananasnanas.
6. "Scars" Papa Roach. I just like that angry white boy music every now and again.
7. " Say You Will" Brandy.
8. "Don't Lie" Black Eyed Peas.
9. "It's Whatever" Aaliyah. I always have to have some Aaliyah playing.
10. "Points Of Authority/ 99 Problems/ One Step Closer" Linken Park/ Jay-Z. Just turn your system up you'll understand.

I'm not gonna tag anyone. If you want to run with it.

* Special Mention* "Cater 2 U" and "We Belong Together" just cause for some reason I'm not tired of these songs......yet.